She read for some time, but she had great difficulty in fixing her mind
upon her book. She found herself conning the same words over and over
again, without understanding their meaning in the least; her thoughts
flew continually to Wyvis and his affairs, and to the mother and wife
and son with whom her fate had linked her with such curious closeness.
At last she relinquished the attempt to read, and sat for some time
gazing into the fire. She heard the clock strike one; the quarter and
half-hour followed at intervals, but still she sat on. Anyone who had
seen her at that hour would hardly have recognized her for the
vivacious, sparkling, ever cheerful woman who made the brightness of the
Red House; the sunshine had left her face, her eyes were wistful, almost
sad; the lines of her mouth drooped, and her cheeks had grown very pale.
She felt very keenly that the period of happy, peaceful work and rest
which she had enjoyed for the last few months was coming to an end. She
was trying to picture to herself what her future life would be, and it
was difficult to imagine it when her old ties had all been severed. "It
seems as if I had to give up everybody that I ever cared for," she said
to herself, not complainingly, but as one recognizing the fact that some
persons are always more or less lonely in the world, and that she
belonged to a lonely class. "My father has gone--my brother and sisters
do not need me; Margaret abandoned me; Wyvis and his mother and Julian
are lost to me from henceforth. God forgive me," said Janetta to
herself, burying her face in her hands and shedding some very heartfelt
tears, "if I seem to be repining at my friends' good fortune; I do not
mean it; I wish them every joy. But what I fear is, lest it should not
be for their good--that Wyvis and his mother and Julian should be
unhappy."
She was roused from her reflection by a sound in the corridor. It was a
creaking board, she knew that well enough; but the board never creaked
unless some one trod upon it. Who could be walking about the house at
this time of night? Mrs. Brand, perhaps; she was terribly restless at
night, and often went about the house, seeking to tire herself so
completely that sleep would be inevitable on her return to bed. On a
cold night, such expeditions were not, however, unattended by danger, as
she was not careful to protect herself against draughts, and it was with
the desire to care for her that Janetta at last rose and took up a soft
warm shawl with which she thought that she might cover Mrs. Brand's
shoulders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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