When Ottmar awoke the following morning he thought he had not slept
well, and had been dreaming a great deal of the Prison Fairy. Yet
neither had been dreaming; although their bodies slept, their souls
were together. _Heinrich_ remained in bed some time. He was in the best
of humors, and compared this awakening with the one six years before,
when he had resolved to yield to the power of the Jesuits. At that time
he was in the act of beginning a new but worse life, as to-day he had
awakened to a new and better one. He thought of Cornelia with grateful
reverence. Through her he obtained a peace of which he had long been
deprived; for, while in himself there was naught save opposition and
contrast, in her he found the complement of his nature and the full
satisfaction of homogeneousness. Thus _Heinrich_ already preferred to
dwell upon her harmonious character rather than the struggles in his
own breast, and this was one step, though scarcely perceptible, towards
liberation from the egotism that was constantly throwing him back upon
himself. Even _Henri_, the night before, had rejected the pleasure of
the moment, and yielded to an ardent love for an object he could never
expect to obtain his way. Even in this hopeless submission there was a
slight contest with his usual selfish pursuit of pleasure. It was with
a certain feeling of abhorrence that he compared the base passions of
the past with his longing for Cornelia's intellectual charms, and fell
into this temporary self-sacrifice. Thus egotism sooner or later
defeats itself. The true egotist ends with a feeling of loathing and
disgust, not only towards the world, but himself. Unmistakable tokens
of this state were already visible both in _Heinrich_ and _Henri_; but,
fortunately for him, he was at an age when fresh buds can shoot forth
and supply the places of those that are dead. These germs now began to
stir with life. Intellect and feeling, with equal power, drew
_Heinrich_ and _Henri_ towards a being whose bodily and mental gifts
were equal. In this the two extremes already began to approach; but
they did not yet understand each other, and their meeting must still
produce conflict instead of reconciliation.
Ottmar lay for a long time absorbed in meditations upon his strange
twofold nature. A servant entered to wake him. He remembered how he had
expected old Anton to come in that morning, and, for the first time, a
strange face appeared instead. "Good old Anton, no doubt he was right,"
thought _Heinrich_; "and how shamefully he was treated! Now he would
certainly have no occasion to be angry about such faults. He was the
best servant I ever had. I will take him back again." He rose, ordered
a message to be sent to the inn for old Anton, and sat down to write to
Cornelia.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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