_Heinrich_ sank upon the sofa with the paper in his hand. "This failed
too! All, all in vain!" he murmured, crushing the letter convulsively
in his clinched fingers. "What is to be done now? Shall I give notice
to the embassies of every country? Shall I add to this consuming
anguish the disgrace that I am pursuing an adventuress, who is rambling
about with a Jesuit? Cornelia! Cornelia! Have these pious fathers or
have you obtained so much mastery over yourself that you can inflict
this upon me? It is not possible that they have subdued your free
will. You are not one of these natures which allow themselves to
be ruled. You have done the most difficult, the most unprecedented
thing,--conquered me and yourself in a moment when passion was most
aroused. You would not suffer the arts of these men to obtain dominion
over you! Noble, wonderful woman! By what cords do you hold me that I
will go to utter ruin rather than forget you?"
He rested his head wearily upon his hand. His whole life passed before
him. He thought of all the unhappy creatures who had clung to him with
the same ardor he now felt for Cornelia, and been repulsed as he was
now by her. Again Ottilie's image rose before him. The sorrow gnawing
at his heart made him for the first time understand the tortures she so
silently, so patiently, bore for him, and for the first time he
experienced the true human sympathy he had never felt while grief was
unknown to him. "Poor Ottilie! We are now companions in suffering!"
A low knocking roused him from his gloomy thoughts. It was his private
secretary, to ask whether Ottmar had prepared the dispatch for the
court of R----. "Oh! good heavens, no!" he exclaimed, in great
impatience, and sat down to finish it. Thrice he began, erased the
words, and then flung the pen aside with a sigh of the bitterest
despondency. "I am not in the mood," he said, at last. "My head aches
too violently. I cannot give myself up to work now."
"Allow me to remind your Excellency that you will be expected at the
council of ministers at twelve o'clock," said the young man, timidly.
"You are right: thanks! Remind me of it again at eleven."
With the most painful effort of self-control he applied himself to the
preparation of the document, and then hurried away to dress.
"Your Excellency ought to get a long leave of absence," said Anton, as
he assisted him to make his toilet. "You cannot live on so."
"Very likely, Anton. It is an existence which is becoming more and more
unendurable to me. But I cannot take a leave now. I must either
disappear from the scene entirely or remain at my post."
He left the room with a slow step and drooping head. Anton looked after
him sadly. "Poor master! It must have been bad news again. No doubt the
young lady has good cause for her acts; but I pity him, for he never
loved so before."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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