He had intended to play a part; but the seriousness of the matter had
laid hold upon him and converted acting to reality. He perceived this
fact with a throb of strange elation; and if the joy he felt sprang
more from the result than the act itself, the pleasure was so pure, the
vanity so legitimate, that even he could scarcely distinguish it from
the emotions of an unselfish, satisfied conscience. Enough: he had done
a noble deed, felt the happier for it, and formed the resolution to
take advantage of every opportunity of procuring this delight again.
But of course he thought only of those occasions which would secure him
a similar popular recognition; he did not think of the unfortunates he
might aid, but of the gratitude he should receive from them and the
public. To his heartless egotism no other course of reflection was
possible, yet even this was a great advance towards better things.
There are natures which, incited by the love of applause, first do good
merely from vanity; but the more frequently this occurs, the more they
become accustomed to it, and at last do it, with or without success,
from habit. But inasmuch as every habit gradually becomes a necessity,
so it is with this, until at last they do right from a secret need.
Ottmar was such a man. Amid all his great faults and errors, it was not
the opposition between right and wrong that was the point of
controversy in his nature, but that between the heart and intellect.
The cause of all the dissensions about right and wrong into which
_Heinrich_, as well as _Henri_, had fallen, was that his heart and
intellect opposed each other, instead of harmonizing. All _Heinrich's_
errors were rooted solely in the selfishness of his cold intellect, as
_Henri's_ were founded upon the egotism of his material nature. If any
great influence could succeed in uniting the two extremes he would
become the most noble and estimable of men. Society, therefore, is not
so far wrong when it allows itself to be dazzled by the ideal nimbus
which such persons understand how to diffuse around them; for beneath
it there is always an instinct of good by means of which they may
really become what they seem.
There are also noble, sensitive souls which understand such men, and
wish to aid them in reaching the right path. The extent of their
success of course depends upon their own capacity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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