A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three VolumesDickens, Mary Angela
General
A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three Volumes
Dickens, Mary Angela
Fiction
He made his preparations with the promptitude of desperation, and as
each detail was despatched, one deed that must be done began to prick
into his consciousness. Some word must be sent to Clemence. With this
necessity he found himself at last confronted with no further possibility
of postponement.
But no words would come to him. Little as he understood it, all the
bewildered misery of his heart was what he wanted to convey to her; all
the incoherent horror which was tossing him to and fro. What words were
possible where there was no reason, only blind, agonised feeling? There
was one aspect of his shipwreck now in which it appeared only as the end
and consummation of his ten weeks of silence towards Clemence; those ten
weeks in which he saw, now, only cruelty and futility where he had seen
before wisdom and necessity. His failure, his ruin, had a side on which
they touched him only in his connection with her; it became the failure
to keep the promise he had made her when he saw her last; the ruin of
his vision of a life with her. He sat there, staring stupidly at the
paper, and gradually all thoughts slipped away from him but the thought
of Clemence herself. A hunger, such as his selfish young heart had never
known, rose in him for her presence, her pity. His misery turned to
her, stretching forth empty, despairing hands, until the sick longing
dominated his whole consciousness.
Then out of the aching yearning there came to him suddenly a recollection
of the letter he had received ten days before; the letter which he had
thrust into a drawer, in his blind, foolhardy determination, unopened.
The end on which he had set himself to wait had vanished for ever.
Everything by which he had held was overturned and submerged. But the
letter was there still. The letter had come from Clemence.
He unlocked with trembling eagerness the drawer in which he had placed
it, drew out the envelope and tore it open. That it could bring no
comfort to him, that there could, indeed, be only aggravation of his
wretchedness in it, was as nothing to him. It was to touch Clemence that
he wanted; Clemence, and Clemence only was the cry of his whole being.
The letter was very short, a few lines only. He ran his eyes over it
with hungry avidity, and then they seemed to stop suddenly, and all the
quivering life seemed to freeze on his features. A moment passed and a
great, dry sob broke from him; he dashed his head down upon the table
with a bitter boyish cry:
“Clemmie! Clemmie!”
Simple, beautiful with that wonderful new tenderness which comes to
a woman with the consummation of her womanhood, pathetic in their
gentleness beyond all words, the few brief lines brought him from
Clemence the most sacred tidings that can pass between husband and wife,
tidings of the birth of their child.
“Clemmie!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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