A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three VolumesDickens, Mary Angela
General
A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three Volumes
Dickens, Mary Angela
Fiction
Then, with one strange, gasping cry, she seemed to thrust all
consciousness of herself fiercely on one side in her realisation of his
great need. In the very crisis of her agony, in the very crisis as it
seemed of her defeat, there came upon her a great dignity.
“My son,” she said, “there is something in your life of which you have
never known--something which accident might have revealed to you at any
time, but which I kept from you, hoping that fortune might favour me--as
it has done--and preserve your ignorance; believing that in happiness
and self-respect lay one of your safeguards, and dreading that knowledge
might bring to you some sort of morbid temptation. Julian, it is the
toil and struggle of twenty years that you are trampling on in throwing
down your life like this. Twenty years ago your father died by his own
hand--a swindler, liar, and thief. A few chance words brought home to me
the possibility that some such dreadful taint might rest on you. To keep
you from its awful consequence; to give you such a life as should obviate
the possibility of temptation; to hedge you in with every security that
money and position could create for you; to give you such a standing
in the world as should leave you nothing to wish for; has been the one
thought, the one motive of my life from that time until now.”
The speech--so terrible a declaration of a struggle foredoomed by its own
essence to failure, a struggle in which the foe was real, the combatant
in desperate earnest, and the weapons straws--trembled into an abrupt,
palpitating silence, as though her feelings were too intense for speech.
There was a moment’s stillness like the stillness of death; a stillness
broken only by Julian’s long, laboured breaths as he stood facing her,
his face blanched and frozen into an image of horror. Then he spoke.
“Is it true?” He had turned mechanically to Dennis Falconer, and the
words came from him in a hoarse whisper.
Dennis Falconer was white to the lips. Far down in his nature, at the
root of the rigid and conventional morality by which he lived, was a
pulse which palpitated in harmony with the divine realities of life. And,
as like answers to like, that pulse in him had recognised its counterpart
at last, through all the cramped distortion that had concealed it for so
long, beating full and strong, instinct with the throbbing life of the
same great realities, in a dwarfed and darkened woman’s soul. Perfect
mother love, absolute self-abnegation, let them clothe themselves in what
mistaken form they may, are an earnest of ideal love and beauty, and in
their presence condemnation must give place to reverence. Conscious, for
the first time in his life, that he stood in the midst of that which
was beyond his power to analyse or to estimate, he made no attempt at
speech. He bowed his head in silence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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