A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three VolumesDickens, Mary Angela
General
A Valiant Ignorance; vol. 3 of 3: A Novel in Three Volumes
Dickens, Mary Angela
Fiction
Clemence had come swiftly across the room and was standing beside him,
facing him as he turned to her; facing Falconer, arrested in a quick
movement to interpose, blindly and instinctively as it seemed, between
Julian and his mother; facing Mrs. Romayne, as she stood leaning heavily
on the back of a chair, her eyes strained and terrible to see, her face
ghastly. All that humanity can touch of the beautiful and the inspiring;
all the burning faith; the quivering personal realisation of that unseen
of which each man is a part; the human love acting upon and reacted on
by the divine instinct; was shining out from Clemence’s face. She paused
hardly for an instant as her clear eyes, dark and deep with the intensity
of her fervour, rested on Julian, as though they saw him and him only in
all the world. Then her voice rang out again, sweet and full.
“There’s no such thing as fate,” she said. “Not like that! Not fate that
makes us bad. There’s God, Julian! It’s trying to do right that matters;
nothing else in life; and that we can all do. There’s nothing, nothing
can prevent us! Oh, I don’t say”--her voice broke into a great pity and
tenderness--“I don’t say that it’s not harder for some than for others.
But it’s what’s hard that is best worth doing! Julian!”--she drew a
step nearer to him, stretching out both her hands--“you’re looking at
it wrong, dear! The things you’ve lost for good are not the things that
matter. What one has, what people think of one--that’s nothing. It’s what
one is, it’s oneself that’s the only thing to mind about.”
She stopped, her whole face stirred and tremulous with her conviction,
and Julian, with an impulsive movement, caught her hands in his, and
pressed his forehead down upon them in a blind agony of self-abasement.
“I’m a swindler, Clemmie!” he cried thickly. It was as though he had
hardly taken in the full sense of her words, but was clinging to her, and
confessing to her under some blunted, bewildered impetus. “A cheat and a
thief all round! That’s what I am!”
“But that’s not for ever!” she cried, such love, and hope, and courage
shining in her eyes as would not let her great tears fall. “You can
retrieve the past! You can repent and begin again. Ah, I know, of course,
that what is done can’t ever be undone! What you have done remains the
same for always! But you can change! You can be different, and nothing
else but you yourself matters at all! What does it matter if people think
you a cheat if you are an honest man? Nothing! No more than it matters to
yourself if they call you an honest man for ever, when you’re a cheat!”
She paused again, but this time he did not speak; he lifted his head and
drew her to him, crushing her hands against his breast, and looking into
her eyes with a strange, agonised struggle towards comprehension dawning
in his own.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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