“So I have. But was not that rather deceitful of you? for you have turned out as good as gold. Anxiety has kept me at home of late, and I have watched you. You live for others; you are all over the house to serve two suffering _women._ That is real charity, not sexual charity, which humbugs the world, but not me. You are cook, housemaid, butler, nurse, and friend to both of them. In an interval of your time, so creditably employed, you come and cheer me up with your bright little face, and give me wise advice. I know that women are all humbugs; only you are a humbug reversed, and deserve a statue--and trimmings. You have been passing yourself off for a naughty girl, and all the time you were an extra good one.” “And that puzzles the woman-hater, the cynical student, who says he has fathomed woman. My poor dear Harrington, if you cannot read so shallow a character as I am, how will you get on with those ladies upstairs--Zoe, who is as deep as the sea, and turbid with passion, and the Klosking, who is as deep as the ocean?” She thought a moment and said, “There, I will have pity on you. You shall understand one woman before you die, and that is me. I'll give you the clew to my seeming inconsistencies--if _you_ will give _me_ a cigarette.” “What! another hidden virtue? You smoke?” “Not I, except when I happen to be with a noble soul who won't tell.” Vizard found her a Russian cigarette, and lighted his own cigar, and she lectured as follows: “What women love, and can't do without, if they are young and healthy and spirited, is--Excitement. I am one who pines for it. Now, society is so constructed that to get excitement you must be naughty. Waltzing all night and flirting all day are excitement. Crochet, and church, and examining girls in St. Matthew, and dining _en famille,_ and going to bed at ten, are stagnation. Good girls--that means stagnant girls: I hate and despise the tame little wretches, and I never was one, and never will be. But now look here: We have two ladies in love with one villain--that is exciting. One gets nearly killed in the house--that is gloriously exciting. The other is broken-hearted. If I were to be a bad girl, and say, 'It is not my business; I will leave them to themselves, and go my little mill-round of selfishness as before,' why, what a fool I must be! I should lose Excitement. Instead of that, I run and get thinks for the Klosking--Excitement. I cook for her, and nurse her, and sit up half the night--Excitement. Then I run to Zoe, and do my best for her--and get snubbed--Excitement. Then I sit at the head of your table, and order you--Excitement. Oh, it is lovely!” “Shall you not be sorry when they both get well, and Routine recommences?”