If I thought of it at all in that connection, it was clean swept out of
my mind by meeting early in January with Mr. Eversley and hearing him
first apply to myself that phrase which I have chosen for the title to
this writing. Mark Eversley, the greatest modern actor! So we all
believed. He had been an old friend of Mr. Harding's; they had had their
young struggles together; we crowded around our manager to hear him tell
of them; struggles which, in so far as they identified themselves with
our own, seemed to bring us by implication within reach of his present
fame. Eversley played in St. Louis while we were there, and having an
evening to spare, in spite of all the eager social appeal, chose to
spend it with the Hardings. They had had dinner together, and as Mr.
Harding did not come on until the second act, the great tragedian sat
with him in his dressing room, visiting together between the cues like
two boys in a dormitory. That was how Eversley happened to be standing
in the wings in my great third act, and as I came out between gusts of
applause after it, he was very kind to me.
"You will go far, little lady," said he, his lean face alive with
kindliness, "you will go farther and have to come back and pick up some
dropped stitches, but in the end you will get where you are bound." It
was not for me to tell him how the mere consciousness of his presence
had carried me that night to the utmost pitch of my capacity; I stood
and blushed with confusion while he fumbled for his card.
"I will hear of you again," he said; "I am bound to hear of you; in the
meantime here is my permanent address. It may be that I can be of use to
you when you come to the bad places."
"Oh," said Mrs. Harding, whose failure to win any conspicuous
distinction for herself had not embittered her, "she seems to have
cleared most of the hard places at a bound."
"My dear young lady," Eversley appealed to me with a charming
whimsicality, "whatever you do, don't let them put that into your head;
you will indeed need me if you get to thinking that. You are, I suspect,
a woman of genius, and in that case there will always be bad places
ahead of you--you are doomed, you are driven; they will never let up on
you."
Well, he should know; he was a man of genius. I hope it might be true
about me, but I was afraid. For to be a genius is no such vanity as you
imagine. It is to know great desires and to have no will of your own
toward fulfilment; it is to feed others, yourself unfed; it is to be
broken and plied as the Powers determine; it is to serve, and to serve,
and to get nothing out of it beyond the joy of serving. And to know if
you have done that acceptably you have to depend on the plaudits of the
crowd; the Powers give no sign; many have died not knowing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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