It was a raw spring day when we came to Chicago, the promise of the
season in the sun, denied and flouted by the wind. It slanted the tails
of the labouring teams and cast over the clean furrow, handfuls of the
winter rubbish from the stubble yet unturned, and between field and
field it wrung the tops of the leafless wood. Now and then it parted
them on white painted spires without disturbing them or the rows of thin
white gravestones. It laid bare the roots of my life to the cold blasts
of memory, it rendered me again the pagan touch, the undivided part that
the earth had in me. My dead were in its sod, in me the sap of its
spiritual fervours and renunciations. What was I, what was my art but
the flower, the bright, exotic blossom borne upon its topmost bough, its
dying top; here in its abounding villages, in the deep-rutted county
roads was the root and trunk. Outside, the wind flicked the landscape
like the screen of the moving picture that the swift roll of the train
made of it, and I felt again the pressure of my small son upon my arm,
and the pleasant stir of domesticity and the return of my man. For the
last hour Jerry had come to sit in my compartment, opposite me, and
stare stonily out of the window; now and then his jaws relaxed and set
again as he bit hard upon the bitter end of experience. No one, I
suppose, can go through that country so teeming with the evidences of
the common life, the common labour, the common hope of immortality, and
not feel bereft in as much as the circumstances of his destiny divide
him from it. We passed Higgleston; beyond the roofs of it the elms that
marked the cemetery road, gathered green. The roofs of the town were
steeped in windy light. I had no impulse to stop there. I withdrew from
it as one does from a private affair upon which he has stumbled unaware.
Rather it was not I who withdrew, but Life as it was lived there, turned
its back upon me.
Getting in to Chicago through that smoky wooden wilderness, within which
the city obscures itself as a cuttlefish in its own inky cloud, I felt
again the wounding and affront, the cold shoulder lifted on my needs,
the eager hand stretched out to catch my contribution. Chicago received
me with its hat off, bowing to meet me, and when I remembered how nearly
it had let me fall into the pit prepared for me by Griffin and the
"Flim-Flams," I burned with resentment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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