Catholics -- Fiction; Clergy -- Fiction; France -- Fiction; Sin -- Christianity -- Fiction
‘I should like to be a child once more. I should like to be always a
child, walking in the shadow of your gown. When I was quite little, I
clasped my hands when I uttered the name of Mary. My cradle was
white, my body was white, my every thought was white. I could see you
distinctly, I could hear you calling me, I went towards you in the light
of a smile over scattered rose-petals. And nought else did I feel or
think, I lived but just enough to be a flower at your feet. No one
should grow up. You would have around you none but fair young heads, a
crowd of children who would love you with pure hands, unsullied lips,
tender limbs, stainless as if fresh from a bath of milk. To kiss a
child’s cheek is to kiss its soul. A child alone can say your name
without befouling it. In later years our lips grow tainted and reek of
our passions. Even I, who love you so much, and have given myself to
you, I dare not at all times call on you, for I would not let you
come in contact with the impurities of my manhood. I have prayed and
chastised my flesh, I have slept in your keeping, and lived in chastity;
and yet I weep to see that I am not yet dead enough to this world to
be your betrothed. O Mary! adorable Virgin, why can I not be only five
years old--why could I not remain the child who pressed his lips to your
pictures? I would take you to my heart, I would lay you by my side, I
would clasp and kiss you like a friend--like a girl of my own age. Your
close hanging garments, your childish veil, your blue scarf--all that
youthfulness which makes you like an elder sister would be mine. I would
not try to kiss your locks, for hair is a naked thing which should
not be seen; but I would kiss your bare feet, one after the other, for
nights and nights together, until my lips should have shred the petals
of those golden roses, those mystical roses of our veins.’
He stopped, waiting for the Virgin to look down upon him and touch
his forehead with the edges of her veil. But she remained enwrapped
in muslin to her neck and finger-nails and ankles, so slim, so
etherealised, that she already seemed to be above earth, to be wholly
heaven’s own.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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