September 20th. A friend writes to me: "On the 20th to 25th of
August I took part in big battles; since then I suffer morally even
to complete exhaustion, both physical and spiritual. My soul finds
no repose.... This war will show us how much of the beast still
survives in man, and this revelation will cause us to make a great
step out of animalism: if not, it is all up with us!"
November 28th. (_A splendid passage where one almost hears the
voice of Tolstoi._) What are all the torments of war compared to
the thoughts that obsess us night and day? When I am on some hill
from which my view commands the plain, this is the idea which
ceaselessly tortures me: down there in the valley the war rages;
those brown lines which furrow the landscape are full of men who
are facing one another as enemies. And up there on the hill
opposite you there is, perhaps, a man who, like you, is
contemplating the woods and the blue sky and perhaps ruminating the
same thoughts as you, his enemy! This continual proximity might
make one mad! And one is tempted to envy one's comrades who can
kill time in sleeping and playing cards.
December 17th. The desire for peace is intense in every one; at
least, in all those who are at the front and who are obliged to
assassinate and be assassinated. The newspapers say that it's
hardly possible to restrain the warlike ardor of the fighters....
They lie--consciously or unconsciously. Our chaplains in their
sermons dispute the legend that our military ardor is
slackening.... You can hardly believe how such tittle-tattle annoys
us. Let them be silent, and let them not talk about things of which
they can know nothing! Or better still, let them come not as
almoners who keep to the rear, but into the firing-line, rifle in
hand! Perhaps then they will get to know of the inner changes which
take place in so many of us. According to these chaplains, any one
who is without warlike enthusiasm is not a man such as our age
demands. To me it seems that we are greater heroes than the others,
we, who without being upheld by warlike enthusiasm, accomplish
faithfully our duty, while hating war with our whole souls.... They
talk of a holy war ... I know of no holy war. I only know of one
war which is the sum of all that is inhuman, impious, and bestial
in man; it is God's chastisement and a call to repentance for the
people that throws itself into war or lets itself be drawn into it.
God sends men through this hell so that they may learn to love
heaven. For the German people this war seems to me to be a
punishment and a call to repentance,--and most of all for our
German Church. I have friends who suffer at the idea of being
unable to do anything for the fatherland. Let them stay at home
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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