"I've been to confession," he said in a low voice, as he drew his hands
away from her and put them behind his back, so that she could not get
hold of them. He walked beside her, his head bent and without touching
her.
How his face used to beam when he saw her again after an hour's
separation! How he had wanted to touch her even though it were only her
dress! What was it, what could it be? A sudden sense of hopelessness
took possession of the woman. Yes, he was going away from her, he was
trying to leave her. As she gazed into his face she could discover no
sign of joy at seeing her again, but a struggle was depicted on his
open features, which had never been able to hide anything. "I've been
to confession," he had said, nothing more. Alas, alas, _what_ had he
confessed? What penance had been laid upon him?
She trembled as she pressed closer to him. "What are you going to do?"
she panted.
"I'm going now," he whispered, shaken. "I'm going. Oh, if only I
could!" He uttered a deep sigh.
His sigh gave her back her courage. She felt that it was difficult for
him to leave, and that made her feel stronger. "You'll not go," she
said, smiling amidst her tears, "you'll not leave me. I love you so
dearly. And--aren't we husband and wife in the sight of God?" The words
came to her like an inspiration. They would calm him--husband and wife
in the sight of God. "And those whom God hath joined together let no
man put asunder."
"Be silent!" he cried vehemently, raising his hand [Pg 245] as though
terrified. "You must not interpret it in that way. I've sinned against
the sixth and ninth commandments; I know it now." He bent his head very
low.
"Have you betrayed me?" she stammered, turning pale and then flushing.
"I've not betrayed you," he said sadly. "But I've betrayed myself, if
you call that 'betraying.' How could I do otherwise? I had to confess
that I had unclean desires, that I"--he stopped and pressed his hands
to his head--"oh, if I had never come here! _Psia krew_, if only I had
never seen you." He gave a dry sob as though he were a boy, and ran
away from her through the gate and over the yard into the house,
banging the door after him.
She followed him with her eyes. What she had had a presentiment of had
now happened, what she had never dreamt of at first had come after all.
She stood as though crushed. She felt a pain as though there were
something in her throat. It was her terror that was choking her, but
she forced it down. Clenching her fists so tightly together that her
nails dug into the flesh, she threw her head back. She would not give
him up--and she need not do so either.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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