England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Spiritualism -- Fiction
This would never do; the rocks at low tide had become uncovered, and,
while he slipped and stumbled among them, bruising himself at every step
with the thought of Helena, he could never get that abstraction and
detachment which he knew were the necessary conditions of his writing.
And all power of achieving that seemed taken from him; he felt himself
an impotent atom, unable to order the workings of his own brain,
defenceless against any thoughts that might assault him.
The house was perfectly quiet; the stillness of the midsummer night had
flowed into its open windows and drowned it deep in that profound
tranquillity that was yet tense with the energy of the spinning world
and the far-flung orbits of the myriad stars. The moon had long since
sunk, but the galaxy of uncounted worlds flared on their courses, driven
onwards by the inexhaustible eternity of creative forces that ran
through the stars, even as it ran through the humblest herb that put
forth its unnoticed blossom on the wayside. But Archie, in this bitter
stagnation that paralysed him, seemed to himself to have no part in
life: all that current of energy that bubbled through the world, with
its impulses of good and evil, love and hate, seemed to have been cut
off from him. He neither loved nor hated any more. There was the
nightmare of this death in life: at any price, and under whatever
inspiration, he longed to be in the current again. Tonight even drink
had failed him.
He had walked across to the window, and came back to his chair at the
table where was spread the sheet of paper covered with the scrawlings
and erasures which were all the last two hours had to show. And at this
precise moment, as he looked at them in a dull despair, and idea flashed
across the blank field of his brain. Perhaps there might still be some
spark of life, of individuality latent without him, which he could reach
by that surrender of his conscious self which had been familiar to him
in his childhood. There, just in front of him, below his shaded lamp,
lay his cigarette-case, with one bright point of light on it, and, lying
back in his chair with half-closed eyes he gazed at this in order to
produce that hypnotic condition in which the subconscious self comes to
the surface.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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