"You are young, and I am old, my son—old in years, and older still in
sin: yet say; think you there is any hope for me? In another hour I
shall have passed from this transient life to that which is eternal.
What will become of my soul? Will He consume me in his wrath? O Spirito
Santo, thou alone can answer! I behold that flaming abyss of
everlasting misery and woe, where there is weeping and wailing and
gnashing of teeth. Is that my doom? _O miserere mei, Domine_! Mercy!
pity me! speak!"
While raving thus, he clasped my feet with the energy of despair; his
whole frame shook with excess of spiritual terror, and his eyes seemed
bursting from their sockets. Deeply moved, I heard him in silence, not
knowing what to reply. A long pause ensued.
"Holy father!" said I, when the paroxysm had passed away, "there is hope
in the mercy of Heaven even for the vilest, how much more for one who
has passed so holy a life as you!"
"Alas! alas!" he exclaimed, beating his breast, "thou knowest me not, my
son! And the simple peasantry who regard me as a saint—even like the
holy Gennaro—know me not!"
"Whatever may be those crimes the recollection of which so haunts you,
let us hope that remorse and sincere repentance——"
"Blessed words! You say truly, my son! Remorse and repentance will do
much: but a load of guilt weighs heavy upon my soul. I would fain
unburthen my conscience to thee, my son: though the recital of my
iniquities might freeze the marrow in your bones. Receive my last
confession, I beseech thee; for I would not go down to the grave with
the reputation of a saint: which, though given me by many, I merit so
little!"
Again he drank thirstily; and raising himself into a half-recumbent
posture, prepared to make that revelation for which my excited curiosity
longed so impatiently. He was rallying rapidly; his voice became
fuller, and his enunciation more distinct and connected. He clutched my
arm with an iron grasp, and his bleared and hollow eyes glittering with
excitement, glared into mine with a searching and intense expression,
which made me feel very far from comfortable.
"You would preach to me words of peace and consolation—peace to a
tempest-tost heart—consolation to a soul torn with anguish and remorse!
You bid me hope! Listen, then, to what mortal ears have never heard—the
long concealed secret of my life—the crimes of my heedless youth, and
the sorrows of Diomida: who perhaps, from the side of Madonna in heaven,
beholds this scene to-night."
Gathering all his energies, the aged recluse commenced the following
narration, in the solemn subdued tone of a contrite sinner recounting
his misdeeds; recalling with a vividness that seemed preternatural in
one so near his end, the history of his youth.
His narrative was often interrupted by pauses, bursts of sorrow, and
groans of remorse, exclamations of pity and horror, pious ejaculations,
and prayers for mercy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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