Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
When we are harassed by sorrows or anxieties, or long oppressed by any
powerful feelings which we must keep to ourselves, for which we can
obtain and seek no sympathy from any living creature, and which yet we
cannot, or will not wholly crush, we often naturally seek relief in
poetry—and often find it, too—whether in the effusions of others, which
seem to harmonize with our existing case, or in our own attempts to
give utterance to those thoughts and feelings in strains less musical,
perchance, but more appropriate, and therefore more penetrating and
sympathetic, and, for the time, more soothing, or more powerful to
rouse and to unburden the oppressed and swollen heart. Before this
time, at Wellwood House and here, when suffering from home-sick
melancholy, I had sought relief twice or thrice at this secret source
of consolation; and now I flew to it again, with greater avidity than
ever, because I seemed to need it more. I still preserve those relics
of past sufferings and experience, like pillars of witness set up in
travelling through the vale of life, to mark particular occurrences.
The footsteps are obliterated now; the face of the country may be
changed; but the pillar is still there, to remind me how all things
were when it was reared. Lest the reader should be curious to see any
of these effusions, I will favour him with one short specimen: cold and
languid as the lines may seem, it was almost a passion of grief to
which they owed their being:—
Oh, they have robbed me of the hope
My spirit held so dear;
They will not let me hear that voice
My soul delights to hear.
They will not let me see that face
I so delight to see;
And they have taken all thy smiles,
And all thy love from me.
Well, let them seize on all they can;—
One treasure still is mine,—
A heart that loves to think on thee,
And feels the worth of thine.
Yes, at least, they could not deprive me of that: I could think of him
day and night; and I could feel that he was worthy to be thought of.
Nobody knew him as I did; nobody could appreciate him as I did; nobody
could love him as I—could, if I might: but there was the evil. What
business had I to think so much of one that never thought of me? Was it
not foolish? was it not wrong? Yet, if I found such deep delight in
thinking of him, and if I kept those thoughts to myself, and troubled
no one else with them, where was the harm of it? I would ask myself.
And such reasoning prevented me from making any sufficient effort to
shake off my fetters.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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