Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
Mary offered to lend the little she possessed; but my mother declined
it, saying that we must begin on an economical plan; and she hoped that
the whole or part of mine, added to what we could get by the sale of
the furniture, and what little our dear papa had contrived to lay aside
for her since the debts were paid, would be sufficient to last us till
Christmas; when, it was hoped, something would accrue from our united
labours. It was finally settled that this should be our plan; and that
inquiries and preparations should immediately be set on foot; and while
my mother busied herself with these, I should return to Horton Lodge at
the close of my four weeks’ vacation, and give notice for my final
departure when things were in train for the speedy commencement of our
school.
We were discussing these affairs on the morning I have mentioned, about
a fortnight after my father’s death, when a letter was brought in for
my mother, on beholding which the colour mounted to her face—lately
pale enough with anxious watchings and excessive sorrow. “From my
father!” murmured she, as she hastily tore off the cover. It was many
years since she had heard from any of her own relations before.
Naturally wondering what the letter might contain, I watched her
countenance while she read it, and was somewhat surprised to see her
bite her lip and knit her brows as if in anger. When she had done, she
somewhat irreverently cast it on the table, saying with a scornful
smile,—
“Your grandpapa has been so kind as to write to me. He says he has no
doubt I have long repented of my ‘unfortunate marriage,’ and if I will
only acknowledge this, and confess I was wrong in neglecting his
advice, and that I have justly suffered for it, he will make a lady of
me once again—if that be possible after my long degradation—and
remember my girls in his will. Get my desk, Agnes, and send these
things away: I will answer the letter directly. But first, as I may be
depriving you both of a legacy, it is just that I should tell you what
I mean to say. I shall say that he is mistaken in supposing that I can
regret the birth of my daughters (who have been the pride of my life,
and are likely to be the comfort of my old age), or the thirty years I
have passed in the company of my best and dearest friend;—that, had our
misfortunes been three times as great as they were (unless they had
been of my bringing on), I should still the more rejoice to have shared
them with your father, and administered what consolation I was able;
and, had his sufferings in illness been ten times what they were, I
could not regret having watched over and laboured to relieve
them;—that, if he had married a richer wife, misfortunes and trials
would no doubt have come upon him still; while I am egotist enough to
imagine that no other woman could have cheered him through them so
well: not that I am superior to the rest, but I was made for him, and
he for me; and I can no more repent the hours, days, years of happiness
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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