Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Governesses -- Fiction; Single women -- Fiction
“Humph! my beau must be an Adonis indeed, Matilda, the admired of all
beholders, if I am to be contented with him alone. I’m sorry to lose
Hatfield, I confess; but the first decent man, or number of men, that
come to supply his place, will be more than welcome. It’s Sunday
to-morrow—I do wonder how he’ll look, and whether he’ll be able to go
through the service. Most likely he’ll pretend he’s got a cold, and
make Mr. Weston do it all.”
“Not he!” exclaimed Matilda, somewhat contemptuously. “Fool as he is,
he’s not so soft as that comes to.”
Her sister was slightly offended; but the event proved Matilda was
right: the disappointed lover performed his pastoral duties as usual.
Rosalie, indeed, affirmed he looked very pale and dejected: he might be
a little paler; but the difference, if any, was scarcely perceptible.
As for his dejection, I certainly did not hear his laugh ringing from
the vestry as usual, nor his voice loud in hilarious discourse; though
I did hear it uplifted in rating the sexton in a manner that made the
congregation stare; and, in his transits to and from the pulpit and the
communion-table, there was more of solemn pomp, and less of that
irreverent, self-confident, or rather self-delighted imperiousness with
which he usually swept along—that air that seemed to say, “You all
reverence and adore me, I know; but if anyone does not, I defy him to
the teeth!” But the most remarkable change was, that he never once
suffered his eyes to wander in the direction of Mr. Murray’s pew, and
did not leave the church till we were gone.
Mr. Hatfield had doubtless received a very severe blow; but his pride
impelled him to use every effort to conceal the effects of it. He had
been disappointed in his certain hope of obtaining not only a
beautiful, and, to him, highly attractive wife, but one whose rank and
fortune might give brilliance to far inferior charms: he was likewise,
no doubt, intensely mortified by his repulse, and deeply offended at
the conduct of Miss Murray throughout. It would have given him no
little consolation to have known how disappointed she was to find him
apparently so little moved, and to see that he was able to refrain from
casting a single glance at her throughout both services; though, she
declared, it showed he was thinking of her all the time, or his eyes
would have fallen upon her, if it were only by chance: but if they had
so chanced to fall, she would have affirmed it was because they could
not resist the attraction. It might have pleased him, too, in some
degree, to have seen how dull and dissatisfied she was throughout that
week (the greater part of it, at least), for lack of her usual source
of excitement; and how often she regretted having “used him up so
soon,” like a child that, having devoured its plumcake too hastily,
sits sucking its fingers, and vainly lamenting its greediness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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