Burgoyne has no expectation of finding anything agreeable on the further
slope of his mountain, and yet the time seems long to him, till he has
climbed its crest, and slidden down its other side. Early and splendid
as is the new light that takes possession of him and his shutterless
bedroom, he upbraids it as a laggard; and the hours that pace by till
the one appointed for the explanation of yesterday's mystery seem to him
to hobble on crutches. What can Amelia have to say to him that needs
such a pomp of preparation? What can have turned Amelia into a Tragedy
Queen? What miracle can have made her take the imperative mood? For it
was the imperative mood unquestionably which, contrary to all precedent,
she had made use of when she had commanded him, most gently it is true,
since, being by her nature gentle, she can do nothing ungently, to leave
her. He absolutely laughs at the topsy-turviness of the idea. What can
she have to say that requires so carefully selected a spot to say it
in?--a spot where "it does not matter if she does break down." What, in
Heaven's name, can she be going to say that inspires her with such a
cold-blooded intention beforehand of breaking down?
Jim's state of mind is something that of the Baron's in "On ne badine
pas avec l'amour," on hearing that his daughter's governess had been
turning somersaults in a field of luzerne. "Non, en vérité, non, mon
ami, je n'y comprends absolûment rien. Tout cela me paraît une conduite
désordonnée, il est vrai, mais sans motif comme sans excuse." If she
were any other woman, he should ascribe her behaviour to some tiresome
but passing tantrum, evoked by his delay in appearing? But in the past
eight years how many hundred times has he kept her waiting? and has she
ever failed to meet him with the same meek good-humour that has not had
even a tinge of reproachful forgiveness in it. As she herself had said,
"In all these years how often have I been angry with you?" He has been
angry with her times out of mind, angry with her on a thousand unjust
and unkind counts; angry with her for her slowness, her bad complexion,
her want of a sense of humour; for a hundred things that she cannot
help, that she would have altered--oh, how gladly!--if she could! But
how often has she been angry with him? In vain he searches his memory,
hoping to overtake some instance of ill-humour, or even pettishness,
that may make the balance between them hang a little more equal. But in
vain. She has never been angry with him. And even now neither her face
nor her manner--whatever else of strange and unparalleled they may have
conveyed--have conveyed the idea of anger.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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