Whether it be due to the possession of this modified form of juvenility,
to an excellent constitution, or to what other reason, certain it is
that the next two days go by without any diminution, rather with a
sensible and steady increase, in Miss Wilson's favourable symptoms, and,
on the afternoon of the latter of these days, Cecilia, in rather
impatient answer to Jim's long daily string of questions about her,
says:
"You could judge much better if you saw her yourself. I do not see why
you should not see her to-morrow for a minute, that is to say, if you
would promise not to talk or ask her any questions."
"But would it be safe?" inquires he, with a tremble in his voice. He
desires passionately to see her; until he does he will never believe
that she is really going to live; he has a hunger to assure himself that
no terrible metamorphosis has passed over her in these nightmare days;
and yet, coupled with that hunger, is a deep dread, which translates
itself into his next halting words.
"Shall I be--shall I be very much shocked? is she--is she very much
changed?"
"She does look pretty bad," replies Cecilia half sadly, yet with the
sub-lying cheerfulness of assured hope; "for one thing she is so wasted.
I suppose that that is what makes her look so much older; but then you
know Amelia never did look young."
It is the second time within two days that the fact of his betrothed's
maturity has been impressed upon him, and formerly it would have caused
him a pang; but now, of what moment is it to him that she looks a
hundred, if only she is living, and going to live?
"Has she--has she asked after me?"
"We do not allow her to speak, but if anyone mentions your name there
comes a sort of smile over her face; such a ridiculous-sized face as it
is now!"
The tears have come into Cecilia's large stupid eyes, and Jim himself
is, with regard to her, in the position of the great Plantagenet, when
he heard the lovely tale of York and Suffolk's high death.
"I blame you not
For hearing this; I must perforce compound
With mistful eyes; or they will issue too!"
As he walks away he is filled with a solemn joy, one of those deep
serious gladnesses with which not the stranger, no, nor even the close
friend or loving kinsman intermeddleth. He is under an engagement to
meet Mrs. Byng at a certain hour, but although that hour has already
come and passed, he feels that he cannot face all her sincere
congratulations without some preparatory toning down of his mood.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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