"Rotten!" he says. "This stuff is the bunk and them actors gimme a
pain. I think they're all nutty. How they get money for this hop is
past me! All I do all day is pretend I'm this and pretend I'm that and
the foreman of this layout keeps yellin', 'Register fear!' and stuff
like that at me. I don't know why this friend of yours is givin' me
money for this, but I bet they's a catch to it somewheres!"
"Isn't he simply delicious?" says the leadin' woman, with a fond glance
at Delancey.
"Delicious, hey?" he snorts. "What d'ye think I am--a pie?"
They is a vampire there and she turns up her nose.
"I think he's impossible!" she says. "He hasn't the slightest
conception of art."
"Lemme alone!" growls Delancey. "I'm as good a actor as you guys is,
if not better. Where d'ye get that art stuff?"
"Heavens!" says the vampire. "You must have worked all your life to
acquire ignorance, for no one was ever _born_ as stupid as you! All
you have is your looks."
[Illustration: "Heavens!" says the vampire. "You must have worked a
your life to acquire ignorance, for no one was ever _born_ as stupid as
you!"]
"Yeh," snarls Delancey. "And all Rockefeller's got is a billion!"
At this point Alex stepped in and prevented bloodshed.
Well, Delancey is as big a success as a movie star as Boston is as a
town, and within a month he's swept the country like a new dance. That
stuff about him bein' a millionaire and willin' to marry the girl which
guesses the answer to the mystery in "What Was Hector's Choice?" caught
on with the ladies like cold cream and his handsome map did the rest.
His picture is plastered all over the country and kids which barely
knowed their A, B, C's, is familiar with his name. His mail arrives
daily in freight cars and Alex had four guys workin' on nothin' but
autographin' his photos for "A Admirer" and "Your Unknown Friend."
Alex got a quarter the each for said photos to cover the "wrapping and
mailing charges" and made a nice little profit on the side.
With all this success, though, Delancey Calhoun kept his head. He
never appeared at no banquets, addressed meetin's on "The Future of the
Motion Picture Industry," or as much as glanced at the daily slew of
mail. When the dames around the studio cast languishin' glances at his
handsome form, he glared at 'em like a infuriated turtle. If one of
'em remarked that it was a nice day by way of startin' a slight
flirtation, Delancey would answer that he couldn't help it, and walk
away. He never spent a nickel foolishly or at all, and when the auto
agents swooped down on him, he borrowed cigars from them and beat it.
[Illustration: When the dames cast languishing glances at his handsome
form, he glared at them like an infuriated turtle.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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