Didactic fiction; Domestic fiction; England -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction
"O Mrs. Booth! could I have been certain that I had occasioned this,
however innocently I had occasioned it, I could never have survived
it; but the surgeon who opened him after his death assured me that he
died of what they called a polypus in his heart, and that nothing
which had happened on account of me was in the least the occasion of
it.
"I have, however, related the affair truly to you. The first complaint
I ever heard of the kind was within a day or two after we left Mrs.
Ellison's; and this complaint remained till his death, which might
induce him perhaps to attribute his death to another cause; but the
surgeon, who is a man of the highest eminence, hath always declared
the contrary to me, with the most positive certainty; and this opinion
hath been my only comfort.
"When my husband died, which was about ten weeks after we quitted Mrs.
Ellison's, of whom I had then a different opinion from what I have
now, I was left in the most wretched condition imaginable. I believe,
madam, she shewed you my letter. Indeed, she did everything for me at
that time which I could have expected from the best of friends, She
supplied me with money from her own pocket, by which means I was
preserved from a distress in which I must have otherwise inevitably
perished.
"Her kindness to me in this season of distress prevailed on me to
return again to her house. Why, indeed, should I have refused an offer
so very convenient for me to accept, and which seemed so generous in
her to make? Here I lived a very retired life with my little babe,
seeing no company but Mrs. Ellison herself for a full quarter of a
year. At last Mrs. Ellison brought me a parchment from my lord, in
which he had settled upon me, at her instance, as she told me, and as
I believe it was, an annuity of one hundred and fifty pounds a-year.
This was, I think, the very first time she had mentioned his hateful
name to me since my return to her house. And she now prevailed upon
me, though I assure you not without some difficulty, to suffer him to
execute the deed in my presence.
"I will not describe our interview--I am not able to describe it, and
I have often wondered how I found spirits to support it. This I will
say for him, that, if he was not a real penitent, no man alive could
act the part better.
"Beside resentment, I had another motive of my backwardness to agree
to such a meeting; and this was--fear. I apprehended, and surely not
without reason, that the annuity was rather meant as a bribe than a
recompence, and that further designs were laid against my innocence;
but in this I found myself happily deceived; for neither then, nor at
any time since, have I ever had the least solicitation of that kind.
Nor, indeed, have I seen the least occasion to think my lord had any
such desires.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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