Amethyst: The Story of a BeautyColeridge, Christabel R. (Christabel Rose)
General
Amethyst: The Story of a Beauty
Coleridge, Christabel R. (Christabel Rose)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"No, no!" cried Sylvester. "Ten thousand times--no! If so, every
martyr, every patriot, who followed his highest instincts, regardless of
old ties, every soul that had to save itself at any price, every one who
has cut off the right hand, put out the right eye, has been wrong. Oh,
the right hand, the right eye, are always so good. There is so much to
be said for them! You can make out so good a case! Oh, you are so
young, you seem but a child, you don't know really what you are doing.
You think of your duty to others. No one has taught you your duty to
yourself."
"Oh," said Amethyst, with a sort of sad dignity, "I know much more about
it all than you think." She moved a little away from him, and sat down,
then presently went on speaking out her thoughts. Sylvester seemed to
her almost like an incarnation of the opposing force within her.
"I don't think it was wrong as I was--at least for some people there
does not seem anything very right. Your father said I was to try for
the least wrong--the rather better."
"Yes," said Sylvester, "the least wrong--the most right _for you_!"
"Then--something came over me. It all went flat. Then, you came and
told me Lucian was coming back--and--and--I found out in another way,
that if--if he brought back my feelings--I could and I would fight it
all through--and _nothing_ would stand against me. But oh--the feelings
are all gone. I've forgotten him! So my feelings can't be worth much,
and--and there doesn't seem enough to fight about--to give it all up and
condemn myself and my sisters to a bad, miserable life--oh, so many
degradations!"
"Lucian knows now how deeply he offended you," said Sylvester, swerving
a little from his point, so much did he care what her feelings were.
"It's not that. It is that I have changed. But I--I couldn't wrong
_him_. I couldn't marry _him_ for--for an _establishment_!"
The last word burst out as if in quotation marks, with a passionate
accent of self-contempt and scorn.
"What I want to say is," said Sylvester, "don't wrong yourself.
Listen!--I believe in counsels of perfection. I don't judge all the
women who have married as you say, and been good and saint-like and
self-denying, for other people's sake. But you--you hear another Voice.
Even for your sisters' sake--listen to it."
Amethyst turned away, and hid her face against the back of her chair.
She was not crying,--but a sense of being overwhelmed was coming upon
her. The situation was beginning to make itself felt.
"When one has no feelings," she said, after a minute--"neither religious
nor any others--there is nothing left but doing right."
"There _is_ that left," he answered, coming nearer. Another silence,
then she faltered out--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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