sed etiam est, paucis vos quod monitos voluerim. profecto expediet fabulae huic operam dare. non pertractate facta est neque item ut ceterae: neque spurcidici insunt versus, immemorabiles; hic neque periurus leno est nec meretrix mala neque miles gloriosus; ne vereamini, quia bellum Aetolis esse dixi cum Aleis: foris illic extra scaenam fient proelia. 60 About one thing more, though, I should like to offer a word or two of suggestion. It will undeniably be to your profit to pay attention to this play. It is not composed in the hackneyed style, is quite unlike other plays; nor does it contain filthy lines that one must not repeat. In this comedy you will meet no perjured pimp, or unprincipled courtesan, or braggart captain. Let not my statement that the Aetolians and Eleans are at war alarm you: engagements will take place off the stage yonder. nam hoc paene iniquomst, comico choragio conari desubito agere nos tragoediam. proin si quis pugnam expectat, litis contrahat: valentiorem nactus adversarium si erit, ego faciam ut pugnam inspectet non bonam, adeo ut spectare postea omnis oderit. It would almost amount to imposition, you know, for us, in our comedy get-up, to try to present a tragedy all of a sudden. So if anyone is looking for a battle scene, let him pick a quarrel: if he gets a good strong opponent, I promise him a glimpse of a battle scene so unpleasant that hereafter he will hate the very sight of one. abeo. valete, iudices iustissimi domi duellique duellatores optumi. (_turning to go_) And so good-bye to you, most just of judges here at home and doughtiest of fighters in the field. [EXEUNT _Prologue_ AND _Captives_. ACTVS I ACT I ENTER _Ergasilus_ LOOKING HUNGRY AND FORLORN. _Erg._ Iuventus nomen indidit Scorto mihi, eo quia invocatus soleo esse in convivio. 70 scio absurde dictum hoc derisores dicere, at ego aio recte. nam scortum in convivio sibi amator, talos quom iacit, scortum invocat. The young fellows have dubbed me Missy, on the ground that whenever they’re at their banquets I feel called upon to be with ’em. To be sure, the professional wags say it is an absurd nickname, but I protest it’s a good one. For at banquets when the young sparks are playing dice they call upon their missies, yes, their missies, to be with ’em as they make a throw. estne invocatum an non est? est planissume; verum hercle vero nos parasiti planius, quos numquam quisquam neque vocat neque invocat. quasi mures semper edimus alienum cibum; ubi res prolatae sunt, quom rus homines eunt, simul prolatae res sunt nostris dentibus.