neque ieiuniosiorem neque magis ecfertum fame vidi nec quoi minus procedat quidquid facere occeperit, ita venter gutturque resident esurialis ferias. ilicet parasiticae arti maximam malam crucem, ita iuventus iam ridicules inopesque ab se segregat. 470 A more hungriful day, a more bulged-out- with-starvation day, a more unprogressive day for every undertaking, I never did see! Such a famine feast as my inside is having! Devil take the parasitical profession! How the young fellows nowadays do sheer off from impecunious wits! nil morantur iam Lacones unisubselli viros, plagipatidas, quibus sunt verba sine penu et pecunia eos requirunt, qui libenter, quom ederint, reddant domi; ipsi obsonant, quae parasitorum ante erat provincia, ipsi de foro tam aperto capite ad lenones eunt quam in tribu aperto capite sontes condemnant reos; neque ridiculos iam terrunci faciunt, sese omnes amant. Not a bit of use have they nowadays for us Spartans, us valiant benchenders, us descendants of old Takesacuff, whose capital is talk without cash and comestibles. The guests they’re after are the ones that enjoy a dinner and then like to return the compliment. They do their marketing themselves, too,--that used to be the parasites’ province-- and away they go from the forum themselves to interview the pimps, just as barefaced as they are in court when they condemn guilty defendants. They don’t care a farthing for wits these days: they’re egoists, every one. nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro. “salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?” atque illi tacent. “quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?” inquam. quasi muti silent, 480 neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont. Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some young fellows in the forum. “Good day,” says I. “Where are we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence. “Who says: ‘This way’? Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes, didn’t even give me a smile. “Where do we dine?” says I. A shaking of heads. dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus, quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier: nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri; ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier, saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent. I told ’em a funny story--one of my best, that used to find me free board for a month. Nobody smiled. I saw in a moment it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no matter if they wouldn’t laugh.