Igitur olim si advenissem, magis tu tum istuc diceres; nunc hanc laetitiam accipe a me, quam fero. nam filium tuom modo in portu Philopolemum vivom, salvom et sospitem vidi in publica celoce, ibidemque illum adulescentulum Aleum una et tuom Stalagmum servom, qui aufugit domo, qui tibi surripuit quadrimum puerum filiolum tuom. Well, if I had come before, then you’d have had more reason to say that. (_slowly and portentously_) Now, sir, prepare for the ecstasy of which I am the vehicle. A few minutes ago at the harbour your son, your son Philopolemus, alive, safe and sound,--I saw him, saw him in a despatch boat, and along with him that young Elean and your slave Stalagmus that stole your little four year old boy. _Hegio_ Abi in malam rem, ludis me. To the devil with you! You’re making fun of me. _Erg._ Ita me amabit sancta Saturitas, Hegio, itaque suo me semper condecoret cognomine, ut ego vidi. So help me Holy Stuffing, so may she grace me with her name for evermore--I did see them, Hegio! _Hegio_ Meum gnatum? (_sceptically_) My son? _Erg._ Tuom gnatum et genium meum. Your son and my guardian angel. _Hegio_ Et captivom illum Alidensem? And that Elean prisoner? _Erg._ Μὰ τὸν Ὰπόλλω. _Oui, par_ Hercules! _Hegio_ Et servolum 880 meum Stalagmum, meum qui gnatum surripuit? And that miserable slave of mine, Stalagmus, that kidnapped my son? _Erg._ Ναὶ τὰν Κόραν. _Oui, par_ Hercul-aneum! _Hegio_ Iam credo? I’m to believe that? _Erg._ Ναὶ τὰν Πραινἐσην. _Oui, par_ Pompeii! _Hegio._ Venit? He’s come? _Erg._ Ναὶ τὰν Σιγνίαν. _Oui, par_ Sorrento! _Hegio_ Certon? You’re sure? _Erg._ Ναὶ τὸν Φρουσινῶνα. _Oui, par_ Amalfi! _Hegio_ Vide sis. Careful now! _Erg._ Ναὶ τὸν Ἀλάτριον. _Oui, par_ Torre dell’Annunziata! _Hegio_ Quid tu per barbaricas urbes iuras? What are you swearing by foreign cities for! _Erg._ Quia enim item asperae sunt ut tuom victum autumabas esse. Well, because they’re the same as you said your meals were-- perfect terrors. _Hegio_ Vae aetati tuae. Plague take you! _Erg._ Quippe quando mihi nil credis, quod ego dico sedulo. sed Stalagmus quoius erat tunc nationis, cum hinc abit? My sentiments exactly, seeing you don’t believe a word I tell you in sober earnest. Stalagmus, though,--what was his nationality when he disappeared? _Hegio_ Siculus. Sicilian. _Erg._ At nunc Siculus non est, Boius est, Boiam terit: liberorum quaerundorum causa ei, credo, uxor datast. But he’s no Sicilian now: he’s a Gaul--he’s being galled,[G] anyhow, by that thing he’s attached to: he’s coupled with the article so as to get children, I suppose?