“The fear that Berene took this view of her one mistake, and plunged into
a desperate life, has embittered my whole existence. Never before did a
man suffer such a mental hell as I have endured for this one act of sin
and weakness. Yet the world, looking at my life of success, would say if
it knew the story, ‘Behold how the man goes free.’ Free! Great God!
there is no bondage so terrible as that of the mind. I have loved Berene
Dumont with a changeless passion for twenty-three years, and there has
not been a day in all that time that I have not during some hours endured
the agonies of the damned, thinking of all the disasters and misery that
might have come into her life through me. Heaven knows I would have
married her if she had remained. Strange and intricate as the net was
which the devil wove about me when I had furnished the cords, I could and
would have broken through it after that strange night—at once the heaven
and the hell of my memory—if Berene had remained. As it was—I married
Mabel, and you know what a farce, ending in a tragedy, our married life
has been. God grant that no worse woes befell Berene; God grant that I
may meet her in the spirit world and tell her how I loved her and longed
for her companionship.”
The young rector’s eyes were streaming with tears, as he reached over and
clasped the sick man’s hands in his. “You will meet her,” he said with a
choked voice. “I heard this same story, but without names, from Berene
Dumont’s dying lips more than two years ago. And just as Berene
disappeared from you—so her daughter disappeared from me; and, God help
me, dear father—doubly now my father, I crushed out my great passion for
the glorious natural child of your love, to marry the loveless, wretched
and _unnatural_ child of your marriage.”
The sick man started up on his couch, his eyes flaming, his cheeks
glowing with sudden lustre.
“My child—the natural child of Berene’s love and mine, you say; oh, my
God, speak and tell me what you mean; speak before I die of joy so
terrible it is like anguish.”
So then it became the rector’s turn to take the part of narrator. When
the story was ended, Preston Cheney lay weeping like a woman on his
couch; the first tears he had shed since his mother died and left him an
orphan of ten.
“Berene living and dying almost within reach of my arms—almost within
sound of my voice!” he cried. “Oh, why did I not find her before the
grave closed between us?—and why did no voice speak from that grave to
tell me when I held my daughter’s hand in mine?—my beautiful child, no
wonder my heart went out to her with such a gush of tenderness; no wonder
I was fired with unaccountable anger and indignation when Mabel and Alice
spoke unkindly of her. Do you remember how her music stirred me? It was
her mother’s heart speaking to mine through the genius of our child.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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