The first smiled gently and thoughtfully down upon his boot. 'Will you guarantee that anybody else does?' said he. And they chaffed. My neighbour turned his paper impatiently, and said nothing. 'What'r'you goin' to ride to-day?' asked the first. His voice was delightfully refined. 'Haven't a notion. Believe they've got something for me down there. Expect the worst'--which also, for some unknown reason, seemed to amuse them very much. 'You've heard 'bout Puhbelow, down heah year befoh last--old Puhbelow, used to c'mand 25th Wangers? A.D.C. wides up t' Puhbelow an' tells him he's wanted at headquahtehs immediately. "That case," says Puhbelow, "I'd better walk!" An' he did,' said my vis-à-vis. 'Lord!' returned the other, 'I hope it won't come to that.' 'It's the last day I shall be able to turn out,' he went on, ruefully. 'For w'y?' 'Can't get inside my uniform another year.' 'Supuhfluous adipose tissue?' 'Rather! Attended the Levée last week, an' came away black in the face! At my time o' life a man's got to consider his buttons. 'Pon my word, I envy you lean dogs.' He addressed both his neighbour and the pink-eyed man, who took no notice of the pleasantry, but folded his paper the other way, and said, without looking up, that that had been a very disastrous flood in the United States. 'They do everything on a big scale over thayah,' remarked the man across from me, genially, 'includin' swindles.' The round-faced gentleman's eye kindled with new interest. 'Were you let in on those Kakeboygan Limiteds?' he said. 'By Jove!--abominable! Never knew a cooler thing! Must have scooped in fifty thousand!' 'It was ve'y painful,' said the other, unexcitedly. 'By th' way, what d'you think of Little Toledos?' 'Don't know anything about 'em. Bought a few--daresay I've dropped my money.' 'Wilkinson wanted me to buy. Lunched the beast last week, expectin' to get a pointer. Confounded sharp scoundrel, Wilkinson!' And this gentleman smiled quite seraphically. 'Still expectin'. I see Oneida Centrals have reached a premium. Bought a lot eight months ago for a song. Cheapah to buy 'em, I thought, than waste more money in somethin' I knew as little about! There's luck!' This stage of the conversation found me reflecting upon the degree of depravity involved in getting the better of the business capacity which made its investments on these principles. I did not meditate a defence for my fellow-countrymen, but I thought they had a pretty obvious temptation. The talk drifted upon clubs, and the gentlemen expressed their preferences. 'Hear you're up for the Army and Navy,' said the rosy-faced one. 'Ye-es. Beastly bore getting in,' returned he of the aquiline nose, dreamily. 'How long?' ''Bout two years, I believe. I'm up again for the United Service, too. Had a fit of economy in '85--year of the Tarantillas smash--you were in that, too, wehn't you?--an' knocked off five o' six o' my clubs. They make no end of a wow about lettin' you in again.'