"Terry is one of those characters who has not lost any of his distinct
individuality. His is a nature which will never become confounded or
obliterated in one's memory. The instantaneous impression of large
soul, sincerity, and truthfulness he made upon me at our first meeting
has never left me. This impression must have been very strong, for
generally these impressions grow weaker, if people live together so
closely as poor people must. All his faults, as well as perhaps his
virtues, come from the fact that he is not at all practical. In spite of
his experience, he does not know the world, and is a dreamer of dreams.
His wild outbursts are the result, I think, of his sedentary life.
Sometimes we two remain at our home for weeks without venturing out,
without hardly speaking to each other, and then suddenly we burst out
into the wildest extravagances of speech!"
A few days later there was a wilder burst than ever, and Terry left the
salon. Marie wrote:
"Last week we all had a row, and Terry has not been seen or heard of
since. The last words he uttered were that he should return for his
belongings in a few days. I am dreadfully sorry about it, especially
that we could not have parted good friends. I realise and always shall
be sensible of the great good I had from him and shall always think of
him with the best feeling and greatest respect. The parting has not
been a great surprise to me, for it really has been taking place for a
long time, ever since he withdrew his confidence from me, now months
past, and I have been acting with other men without his knowledge.
Nothing mattered in our relation but mutual confidence, but when that
went, it was, I suppose, only a question of time. And, at the same time
that he withdrew spiritually from me, he seemed to lose his interest in
the movement, and grew more and more solitary and hopeless.
"I don't know what Terry is doing, or where he has gone, and I am
uneasy. I would not fancy this beautiful bohemian life alone with Katie,
and I don't know what to do."
"Terry is still away," she wrote a few days later, "and my horizon looks
bleak and lonely. I want to be alone where I can collect my thoughts,
but, even when Katie is out, I cannot think, but sit by the window
staring at the old women hanging up the clothes which everlastingly flap
on the lines tied between the poor old gnarled willow trees. Poor old
trees, their fate has been very like that of the old women. They bear
their burden uncomplainingly, groan dolefully in the wind, and shake
their old palsied heads. Even the sparrows, true hoboes of the air,
disdain to seek shelter in their twisted arms. They will die as they
have lived, withering away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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