"But does she say when she is coming home?" he asked without turning his
head. "Read on, please."
The sheets were disarranged and it was some time before she obeyed.
"Read on, please," he repeated, and he moved from the window and stood
with his hands resting on the back of a chair. Mrs. Cranceford read on:
"There is one misfortune of mine that has always been apparent to you
and that is my painful sensitiveness. It was, however, not looked upon
as a misfortune, but rather as a fault which at will I might correct,
but I could no more have obviated it than I could have changed my entire
nature. When father charged me with ingratitude I realized the justice
of the rebuke (from his point of view), while feeling on my side the
injustice of the imputation, for I was not ungrateful, but simply in a
desperate state of mind. I am afraid that I am not making myself clear.
But let me affirm that I do not lose sight of the debt I owe him, the
debt of gallantry. I had always admired him for his bravery, and
hundreds of times have I foolishly day-dreamed of performing a
life-saving office for him. But the manner--and pardon me for saying
it--the arrogance which he assumed over me, wounded me, and the wound is
still slowly bleeding. But in time it will heal, and when it does I will
go to him, but now I cannot."
"But she must come to me or let me go to her!" the Major broke in. "I
confess that I didn't understand her. Why, there is heroism in her
composition. Go ahead, Margaret. She's got more sense than all of us. Go
ahead."
Mrs. Cranceford continued: "I can conceive of nothing more useless than
my life at home would be. The truth is, I must do something, see
something, feel the throb rather than the continuous pressure of life.
Thousands of women are making their way in the world. Why should not I?
And it is not that I mean wholly to desert you or to love you less, but
I must go away, and before this letter reaches you I shall be on my
journey----"
Mrs. Cranceford's trembling hands let the paper fall. The Major grabbed
it up, fumbled with it, put it upon the desk and sat down. In silence
they looked at each other, and their vision was not clear. "Read on," he
said. "We can stand anything now."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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