So be quite sure that if now, even now,--for to-day of all days has seemed most dark--if now I were given my choice--to have known you or not to have known you,--Beloved, a thousand times I would claim to keep what I have, rather than have it taken away from me. I cannot forget that for a few months I was the happiest woman I ever knew: and that happiness is perhaps only by present conditions removed from me. If I have a soul, I believe good will come back to it: because I have done nothing to deserve this darkness unless by loving you: and if _by_ loving you, I am glad that the darkness came. Beloved, you have the yes and no to all this: _I_ have not, and cannot have. Something that you have not chosen for me to know, you know: it should be a burden on your conscience, surely, not to have shared it with me. Maybe there is something I know that you do not. In the way of sorrow, I think and wish--yes. In the way of love, I wish to think--no. Any more thinking wearies me. Perhaps we have loved too much, and have lost our way out of our poor five senses, without having strength to take over the new world which is waiting beyond them. Well, I would rather, Beloved, suffer through loving too much, than through loving too little. It is a good fault as faults go. And it is _my_ fault, Beloved: so some day you may have to be tender to it. LETTER LXXVI. Dearest: I feel constantly that we are together still: I cannot explain. When I am most miserable, even so that I feel a longing to fly out of reach of the dear household voices which say shy things to keep me cheerful,--I feel that I have you in here waiting for me. Heart's heart, in my darkest, it is you who speak to me! As I write I have my cheek pressed against yours. None of it is true: not a word, not a day that has separated us! I am yours: it is only the poor five senses part of us that spells absence. Some day, some day you will answer this letter which has to stay locked in my desk. Some day, I mean, an answer will reach me:--without your reading this, your answer will come. Is not your heart at this moment answering me?