It pleases me to think that there may be some grain of truth in all
this, though I am not unmindful of the inevitable conclusion, that my
own parabola will some day take its downward course, and I shall sit,
quiescent, while the younger men around will demand stormily why I
cannot see the grandeur, the profundity, of their newer gods. There
lies the tragedy. Those gods, quite possibly, _will_ be greater than
mine--_must_ be, if my belief in man be worth anything. Yes, that is
the tragedy. I shall be at rest, and the youths of the golden future
will be seeing visions and dreaming dreams of which I have not even
the faintest hint.
I feel this most keenly, when reading Nietzsche, that volcanic
stammerer of the thing to come. I feel, "inside," as children say,
that my parabola will be finished before I can win to the burning
heart of the man. It frightens me (a sign of coming fatigue) to launch
out on one of his torrents of thought--veritable rushing rivers of
vitriol, burning up all that is decaying and fleshly, casting away the
refined, exhausted, yet exultant spirit on some lonely point of the
future, where he can see the illimitable ocean of race-possibilities.
"_Oh, noon of life! Delightful garden land! Fair summer Station!_"
So, writing (steadying myself against the Atlantic roll) one fresh
thought in the blank left for it in the long ago, I close the book,
and take up my present life once more.
"The secret of a joyful life is to live dangerously." Perhaps one may
judge of a man's power by his reception of that aphorism. For me, at
any rate, there is but unconditional assent. To live dangerously! How
nauseous to me is the maternal anxiety of some of my friends. They
are so anxious for me. It is such a dangerous trade. And so on.
I have been scanning a newspaper left in the mess-room, and it has
provoked me to further thought. I see, in retrospect, those myriads
of nicely dressed, God-fearing suburbans in their upholstered local
trains, each with his face turned towards his daily sheet, each with
his scaly hide of prejudice clamped about his soul, each placidly
settling the world's politics and religion to his own satisfaction,
each taking his daily dram of news from the same still. I look into my
own copy and read on one page of a society bazaar where Lady So-and-So
and the Hon. Alicia So-and-So "presided over a very tasteful stall of
dwarf myrtle-trees," etc.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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