It was not long after Morton's return, when the young people of his own
age and standing began to perceive an alteration in his manners, and
that he, who was a leader in their gay parties, was now a moping,
stupid, silent, dull creature, without any of his former animation and
gaiety. The young ladies took it for granted that he was in love; and
as it was evident that he was not in love with any of them, why of
course some nymph in the Pacific had stolen his heart; and as, moreover,
they had no idea of the existence in that remote and unknown quarter of
creation of any females more fascinating than the amphibious and
lascivious damsels of the Sandwich Islands, (to convert whom from the
error of their ways, more missionaries have been sent out, or
volunteered their services, than to all the rest of the "poor ignorant
heathen" put together,) or the ladies of the North West Coast, who smell
too strong of train-oil to comprehend the truths of Christianity, or
rather of Calvanism, which is altogether another affair, and who are in
consequence left in their original and antediluvian darkness.
Impressed with this idea, and feeling both grieved and mortified that so
excellent a young gentleman as Charles Morton should give himself up to
such an absurd and, in their estimation, unnatural passion, the young
ladies of New Bedford determined to tease him out of it; much upon the
same principle as the Roman emperors endeavored to suppress the
Christian religion by exposing its professors to wild beasts: the wild
beasts grew fat upon Christians, and Christianity grew fat and strong
upon persecution. Perhaps if the diademed tyrants had treated it with
indifference, the effects would have been otherwise.
Whenever poor Morton was met in company, he was always the object of
ridicule to these lively and well-meaning young ladies.
"Pray, Charles, do tell us something about this lady-love of yours;
what's her complexion?"
"How much train-oil does she drink in the course of a day?" said
another.
"Or how much raw shark serves her for a meal?" asked a third.
"Does she wear a spritsail-yard through the gristle of her nose?" said a
fourth.
"Or a brass ring in her under lip?" said a fifth.
"Is she tattooed on both cheeks, or only on one?" said a sixth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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