An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
History
An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
Wit and humor
I find by the calculations of Albumazar in his book of the great
conjunction, and elsewhere, that this will be a plentiful year of
all manner of good things to those who have enough; but your hops
of Picardy will go near to fare the worse for the cold. As for oats
they’ll be a great help to horses. I dare say, there won’t be much
more bacon than swine. Pisces having the ascendant, ’twill be a mighty
year for muscles, cockles, and periwinkles. Mercury somewhat threatens
our parsly-beds, yet parsly will be to be had for money. Hemp will
grow faster than the children of this age, and some will find there’s
but too much on’t. There will be a very few _bon-chretiens_, but
choak-pears in abundance. As for corn, wine, fruit and herbs, there
never was such plenty as will be now, if poor folks may have their wish.
_RABELAIS IMITATES DIOGENES_
(_From the Author’s Prologue to Book III._)
When Philip, King of Macedon, enterprised the siege and ruin of
Corinth, the Corinthians having received certain intelligence by their
spies, that he with a numerous army in battle array was coming against
them, were all of them, not without cause, most terribly afraid; and,
therefore, were not neglective of their duty, in doing their best
endeavors to put themselves in a fit posture to resist his hostile
approach, and defend their own city. Some from the fields brought
into the fortified places their movables, cattle, corn, wine, fruit,
victuals and other necessary provisions. Others did fortify and rampire
their walls, set up little fortresses, bastions, squared ravelins,
digged trenches, cleansed countermines, fenced themselves with gabions,
contrived platforms, emptied casemates, barricaded the false brayes,
erected the cavalliers, repaired the contrescarpes, plaistered the
courtines, lengthened ravelins, stopped parapets, mortised barbacans,
new pointed the portcullises with fine steel or good iron, fastened the
herses and cataracts, placed their sentries and doubled their patrol.
Every one did watch and ward, and not one was exempted from carrying
the basket. Some polished corselets, varnished backs and breasts,
cleaned the headpieces, mailcoats, brigandins, salads, helmets,
murrions, jacks, gushets, gorgets, hoguines, brassars and cuissars,
corselets, haubergeons, shields, bucklers, targets, greves, gauntlets
and spurs.
Others made ready bows, slings, cross-bows, pellets, catapults,
migraines or fire-balls, firebrands, balists, scorpions, and other such
warlike engines, repugnatory, and destructive to the Helepolides.
They sharpened and prepared spears, staves, pikes, brown bills,
halberts, long hooks, lances, zagages, quarterstaves, eelspears,
partisans, troutstaves, clubs, battle-axes, maces, darts, dartlets,
glaves, javelins, javelots, and truncheons.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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