A wife said to her husband, who was much attached to reading, “I wish I were a book, that I might always have your company.” _Then_, answered he, _I should wish you an almanac, that I might change once a year_. * * * * * It was said of a malicious parasite, that he never opened his mouth but at the expense of others; because he always ate at the tables of others, and spoke ill of everybody. * * * * * The Duke of Vivonne, who was a heretic in medicine, being indisposed, his friends sent for a physician. When the Duke was told a physician was below, he said, _Tell him I cannot see him, because I am not well. Let him call again at another time_. * * * * * The Marechal de Faber, at a siege, was pointing out a place with his finger. As he spoke, a musket-ball carried off the finger. Instantly stretching another, he continued his discourse, _Gentlemen, as I was saying_--. This was true _sang froid_. A man, carrying on an unjust process, was advised to pray to God for its success. _Stop, stop_, replied he, _God must hear nothing of this_. * * * * * Another princess of France, being espoused by the king of Spain, in passing through a town, on her way to Madrid, the magistrates of the place, which was a famous mart for stockings, waited on the queen with a present of a dozen pairs of remarkable fineness. The Spanish grandee, who attended her, full of the jealous humour of his nation, said, in a passion. “You fools, know that a queen of Spain has no legs.” The magistrates retired in terror, and the poor queen, weeping sadly, said, _Must I then have both my legs cut off?_ * * * * * In a village of Poitou, a peasant’s wife, after a long illness, fell into a lethargy. She was thought dead; and being only wrapped in linen, as the custom of burying the poor in that country is, she was carried to the place of interment. In going to church, the body, being borne aloft, was caught hold of by some briars, and so scratched, that as if bled by a surgeon, she revived. Fourteen years after, she died in earnest, as was thought; and as they carried her to church, the husband exclaimed, _For God’s sake, do not go near the briars_. * * * * * A gentleman, seeing in his yard a mass of rubbish, blamed his people for not removing it. A domestic said, no cart could be got. “Why,” answered the master, “do you not make a pit beside the rubbish, and bury it?” “But,” answered the domestic, “where shall we put the earth that comes out of the pit?” _You great fool_, replied his master, _make the pit so large as to hold all_. * * * * *