An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
History
An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
Wit and humor
At this Calandrino began to roar out afresh, saying, “Good God! you
make me mad to hear you talk. I tell you once for all it was stolen
this very night!” “Nay, if it be so,” quoth Buffalmacco, “we must think
of some way to get it back again.” “And what way must we take,” said he
“to find it?” “Depend upon it,” replied the other, “that nobody came
from the Indies to steal it; it must be somewhere in your neighborhood,
and if you could get the people together I could make a charm, with
some bread and cheese, that would soon discover the thief.” “True,”
said Bruno, “but they would know in that case what you were about; and
the person that has it would never come near you.” “How must we manage,
then?” said Buffalmacco. “Oh!” replied Bruno, “you shall see me do it
with some pills of ginger and a little wine, which I will ask them to
come and drink. They will have no suspicion what our design is, and we
can make a charm of these as well as of the bread and cheese.” “Very
well,” quoth the other. “What do you say, Calandrino? Have you a mind
we should try it?” “For Heaven’s sake do,” he said; “if I only knew who
the thief is, I should be half comforted.” “Well, then,” quoth Bruno,
“I am ready to go to Florence for the things, if you will only give me
some money.” He happened to have a few florins in his pocket, which he
gave him, and off went Bruno.
When he got to Florence, Bruno went to a friend’s house and bought a
pound of ginger made into pills. He also got two pills made of aloes,
which had a private mark that he should not mistake them, being candied
over with sugar like the rest. Then, having bought a jar of good
wine, he returned to Calandrino, and said, “To-morrow you must take
care to invite every one that you have the least suspicion of; it is
a holiday, and they will be glad to come. We will finish the charm
to-night, and bring the things to your house in the morning, and then I
will take care to do and say on your behalf what is necessary upon such
an occasion.”
Calandrino did as he was told, and in the morning he had nearly all the
people in the parish assembled under an elm-tree in the churchyard. His
two friends produced the pills and wine, and, making the people stand
round in a circle, Bruno said to them, “Gentlemen, it is fit that I
should tell you the reason of your being summoned here in this manner,
to the end, if anything should happen which you do not like, that I
be not blamed for it. You must know, then, that Calandrino had a pig
stolen last night, and, as some of the company here must have taken
it, he, that he may find out the thief, would have every man take and
eat one of these pills, and drink a glass of wine after it. Whoever
the guilty person is, you will find he will not be able to get a bit
of it down, but it will taste so bitter that he will be forced to spit
it out. Therefore, to prevent such open shame, he had better, whoever
he is, make a secret confession to the priest, and I will proceed no
further.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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