An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
History
An outline of humor: Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century
Wit and humor
_Euclio._ So be it. (_Starts and looks about._) But, oh,
Jupiter, am I not utterly undone?
_Megadorus._ What’s the matter with you?
_Euclio._ What was it sounded just now as though it were iron?
_Megadorus._ I ordered them to dig up the garden at my place. (EUCLIO
_runs off into his house._) But where has this man gone? He’s off, and
he hasn’t fully answered me; he treats me with contempt. Because he
sees that I wish for his friendship, he acts after the usual manner
of mankind. For if a wealthy person goes to ask a favor of a poorer
one, the poor man is afraid to treat with him; through suspicion he
hurts his own interest. The same person, when this opportunity is lost,
afterward wishes for it too late.
_Euclio_ (_coming out of the house, addressing servant within_). By
the powers, if I don’t give you up to have your tongue cut out by the
roots, I order and I authorize you to hand me over to any one you
please, to be mutilated.
_Megadorus._ By my troth, Euclio, I perceive that you consider me
a fit man for you to make sport of in my old age, for no fault of my
own.
_Euclio._ I’ faith, Megadorus, I am not doing so, nor should I
desire it were I able to.
_Megadorus._ Well, then, do you betroth your daughter to me?
_Euclio._ On those terms, and with that portion which I mentioned
to you.
_Megadorus._ Do you promise her, then?
_Euclio._ I do promise her.
_Megadorus._ May the gods bestow their blessings on it!
_Euclio._ May the gods do so! Observe and remember that we’ve
agreed, that my daughter is not to bring you any portion.
_Megadorus._ I remember it.
_Euclio._ But I understand in what fashion people are wont
to equivocate; an agreement is no agreement, no agreement is an
agreement--just as it pleases you.
_Megadorus._ I’ll have no misunderstanding with you. But what
reason is there why we shouldn’t have the nuptials this day?
_Euclio._ Why, by my troth, there is very good reason why we
should.
_Megadorus._ I’ll go, then, and prepare matters. Do you want me
for anything more?
_Euclio._ All is settled. Farewell.
_Megadorus_ (_going to the door of his house and calling
out_). Hullo! Strobilus, follow me quickly to the meat-market.
(_Exit_ MEGADORUS.)
_Euclio._ He has gone. Immortal gods, I do beseech you! How
powerful is gold! I do believe, now, that he has had some intimation
that I’ve got a treasure at home. He’s gaping for that; for the sake of
that has he persisted in this alliance!
--_The Pot of Gold._
TERENCE
_PARASITES AND GNATHONITES_
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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