An Unofficial PatriotGardener, Helen H. (Helen Hamilton)
History
An Unofficial Patriot
Gardener, Helen H. (Helen Hamilton)
United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
The terrors which should follow unbelief had been long ago, in her rigid
Presbyterian home, made so much a part of her very nature, that the
simple, cheerful, happy side of Griffith's religion, which had been
uppermost all these years, had not even yet, in cases of unusual stress,
obliterated the horror of Katherine's literal belief in and fear of
an awful hell, and a vengeance-visiting God for those who slighted or
questioned the justice or truth of a cruel revelation of Him. A great
and haunting fear for Beverly's soul eclipsed her fear for his life, and
Katherine's religion added terrors to the war that were more real and
dark and fearful than the real horrors that are a natural and legitimate
part of a cruel, civil contest. The "comforts," to a loving heart and
a clear head, of such a religion, were vague and shadowy; indeed. Its
certain and awful threats were like a flaming sword of wrath ever before
her eyes. To those who could evade the personal application of the
tenets of their faith, who could accept or reject at will the doctrines
they professed, who could wear as an easy garment the parts they liked,
and slip from their shoulders the features of their "revelation" to
which the condition of their own loved ones did not respond, there might
be comfort. But to Katherine there was none. Her faith was so real and
firm, that it did not doubt a literal damnation, nor could she read
from under the decree those she loved, simply because she loved them.
An eternal decree of suffering hung over her first-born, the idol of her
soul! The awful burden of her religion was almost more than she could
bear in these days of fear and loneliness, stimulated as it was by the
ever-present threat and shadow of death for the lamb that had strayed,
even so little, from the orthodox fold. Her days were doubly burdened by
the new anxiety, shadowed by the real, and haunted by the agony of fear
for the imaginary, danger to her son. In her dreams, that night, she
saw him stand before an angry and avenging God, and she awoke in a very
panic of delirium and mental anguish. Great beads of moisture stood upon
her brow. "Save him! save him! oh, God of our salvation!" she cried out,
and little Margaret stirred uneasily in her bed.
"Wat dat, honey? Wat dat yoh say, Mis' Kate!" called out Judy from her
cot in the next room. "Did yoh call me, Mis' Kate?"
"No, no, aunt Judy, I had a bad dream. I----"
The old woman hobbled in. "Now, des look aheah, honey, des yoh stop that
kine er dreams, now. Dey ain't no uste t' nobody, an' dey des makes
bad wuk all de way 'roun'. An' 'sides dat dey ain't got no sense to'em,
nohow." Poor old aunt Judy, her philosophy was deeper and truer than she
knew or than her mistress suspected; but the sound of her kind old voice
comforted Katherine as no philosophy could.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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