“They most certainly will not. If you wish to please them, you must sell
yourself to some rich vampire of the factories or great landlord. If you
give yourself away to a poor poet who loves you, their disgust will be
unbounded. If a woman wishes to honor her father and mother to their own
satisfaction nowadays she must dishonor herself.”
“I do not understand why you should be so anxious for me to marry
someone else?”
“Someone else?” said Trefusis, puzzled.
“I do not mean someone else,” said Gertrude hastily, reddening. “Why
should I marry at all?”
“Why do any of us marry? Why do I marry? It is a function craving
fulfilment. If you do not marry betimes from choice, you will be driven
to do so later on by the importunity of your suitors and of your family,
and by weariness of the suspense that precedes a definite settlement of
oneself. Marry generously. Do not throw yourself away or sell yourself;
give yourself away. Erskine has as much at stake as you; and yet he
offers himself fearlessly.”
Gertrude raised her head proudly.
“It is true,” continued Trefusis, observing the gesture with some anger,
“that he thinks more highly of you than you deserve; but you, on the
other hand, think too lowly of him. When you marry him you must save him
from a cruel disenchantment by raising yourself to the level he fancies
you have attained. This will cost you an effort, and the effort will do
you good, whether it fail or succeed. As for him, he will find his
just level in your estimation if your thoughts reach high enough to
comprehend him at that level.”
Gertrude moved impatiently.
“What!” he said quickly. “Are my long-winded sacrifices to the god of
reason distasteful? I believe I am involuntarily making them so because
I am jealous of the fellow after all. Nevertheless I am serious; I want
you to get married; though I shall always have a secret grudge against
the man who marries you. Agatha will suspect me of treason if you don’t.
Erskine will be a disappointed man if you don’t. You will be moody,
wretched, and--and unmarried if you don’t.”
Gertrude’s cheeks flushed at the word jealous, and again at his mention
of Agatha. “And if I do,” she said bitterly, “what then?”
“If you do, Agatha’s mind will be at ease, Erskine will be happy, and
you! You will have sacrificed yourself, and will have the happiness
which follows that when it is worthily done.”
“It is you who have sacrificed me,” she said, casting away her
reticence, and looking at him for the first time during the
conversation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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