Jean-Jacques, through the instrumentality of his enchanting Julie, must
have proved to your wife that it was infinitely becoming to refrain
from affronting her delicate stomach and her refined palate by making
chyle out of coarse lumps of beef, and enormous collops of mutton. Is
there anything purer in the world than those interesting vegetables,
always fresh and scentless, those tinted fruits, that coffee, that
fragrant chocolate, those oranges, the golden apples of Atalanta, the
dates of Arabia and the biscuits of Brussels, a wholesome and elegant
food which produces satisfactory results, at the same time that it
imparts to a woman an air of mysterious originality? By the regimen
which she chooses she becomes quite celebrated in her immediate circle,
just as she would be by a singular toilet, a benevolent action or a
_bon mot_. Pythagoras must needs have cast his spell over her, and
become as much petted by her as a poodle or an ape.
Never commit the imprudence of certain men who, for the sake of putting
on the appearance of wit, controvert the feminine dictum, _that the
figure is preserved by meagre diet_. Women on such a diet never grow
fat, that is clear and positive; do you stick to that.
Praise the skill with which some women, renowned for their beauty, have
been able to preserve it by bathing themselves in milk, several times a
day, or in water compounded of substances likely to render the skin
softer and to lower the nervous tension.
Advise her above all things to refrain from washing herself in cold
water; because water warm or tepid is the proper thing for all kinds of
ablutions.
Let Broussais be your idol. At the least indisposition of your wife,
and on the slightest pretext, order the application of leeches; do not
even shrink from applying from time to time a few dozen on yourself, in
order to establish the system of that celebrated doctor in your
household. You will constantly be called upon from your position as
husband to discover that your wife is too ruddy; try even sometimes to
bring the blood to her head, in order to have the right to introduce
into the house at certain intervals a squad of leeches.
Your wife ought to drink water, lightly tinged with a Burgundy wine
agreeable to her taste, but destitute of any tonic properties; every
other kind of wine would be bad for her. Never allow her to drink water
alone; if you do, you are lost.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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