Anastasia: The autobiography of H.I.H. the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nicholaevna of RussiaSmith, Eugenia
History
Anastasia: The autobiography of H.I.H. the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nicholaevna of Russia
Smith, Eugenia
Anastasiia Nikolaevna, Grand Duchess, daughter of Nicholas II, Emperor of Russia, 1901-1918
While in thought, I raised my eyes and saw a door on my right side
which apparently led into another room. Through a crack I saw a bright
light and a shadow flitting across the crack in a sort of rhythmical
motion, as if someone were swinging back and forth. My thoughts were
distracted for a moment. My training came to my aid. I could see
without betraying what I saw. I hid my surprise at discovering that
there were other people in the house besides the two men and the woman.
I dismissed my curiosity since I was beginning to have confidence in
these men. Their questions must be answered.
I began, “Some went first with Father, Mother, and Marie, Dr. Botkin,
Prince Dolgorukov, a maid and Father’s valet. When our parents left
Tobolsk the others stayed to take care of us children who were left
behind to go later when Alexei should be better.”
What kind of quarters did we have in Ekaterinburg? Did we have enough
to eat? Did we ever go outdoors? Did we see our friends? How did we
pass the time? These questions were meant to pave the way for more
questions that were to come later and to encourage me to answer them.
In a way I was glad to confide my sorrow.
When they were through, one of the men signalled the woman, who led me
outdoors. My second walk in the air. I had decided to take the outing
without once lifting my eyes to the sky. I took short breaths and
leaned heavily on the woman’s arm. We walked around the house. Guarding
us, I sensed rather than saw, was one of the two men, walking a few
feet behind us. At last we were back at the entrance. The house was
dark as we entered the first room and passed through the open trap door
and down the ladder. The trap door was lowered and I noticed a cloth
was nailed on the inside. No sounds must penetrate through that floor.
The exertion and gratification at my own courage put me into a sound
sleep that night.
I awoke stronger and aware of a new milestone in my march to recovery.
Each day the terrifying world I knew nothing of drew closer. I
had almost ceased to struggle to keep from entering this world of
reality. I was being carried like a leaf floating on the surface of a
fast-flowing stream. I could not stop or sink. The prospect of living
my life in good health would have been frightening enough, but now I
must face ill health and loneliness as well. If only crying could oust
these seething tortures.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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