Dinner time came, and we sat down to table. But the mind is sometimes
too busy to attend to the appetites. I and Frank ate but little. He
rose first from table, that he might not seem to follow me. His
delicacy never slumbers. I took the first opportunity to retire. Frank
was presently with me, and our dialogue began. The struggle of the
feelings ordained that I should be the first speaker.
I have been thinking very seriously, Frank, of what you said to me this
morning.
Would to heaven you could forget it, madam!
Why so?
I was unjust! A madman! A vain fool! An idiot!--Pardon this rude
vehemence, but I cannot forgive myself for having been so ready to
accuse one whom--! I cannot speak my feelings!--I have deserted
myself!--I am no longer the creature of reason, but the child of
passion!--My mind is all tumult, all incongruity!
You wrong yourself. The error has been mutual, or rather I have been
much the most to blame. I am very sensible of, and indeed very sorry
for my mistake--Indeed I am--I perceived you indulging hopes that
cannot be realized, and--
Cannot, madam?
Never!--I can see you think yourself despised; but you do yourself
great wrong.
My mind is so disturbed, by the abrupt and absurd folly with which I
accused you, unheard, this morning, that it is less now in a state to
do my cause justice than at any other time--Still I will be a man--Your
word, madam, was--Cannot!--
It was.
Permit me to ask, is it person--?
No--certainly not. Person would with me be always a distant
consideration. [You, Louisa, know how very far from exceptionable the
person of Frank is, if that were any part of the question.]
You are no flatterer, madam, and you have thought proper occasionally
to express your approbation of my morals and mind.
Yet my expressions have never equalled my feelings!--Never!
Then, madam, where is the impossibility? In what does it consist? The
world may think meanly of me, for the want of what I myself hold in
contempt: but surely you cannot join in the world's injustice?
I cannot think meanly of you.
I have no titles. I am what pride calls nobody: the son of a man who
came pennyless into the service of your family; in which to my infinite
grief he has grown rich. I would rather starve than acquire opulence by
the efforts of cunning, flattery, and avarice; and if I blush for any
thing, relative to family, it is for that. I am either above or below
the wish of being what is insolently called well born.
You confound, or rather you do not separate, two things which are very
distinct; that which I think of you, and that which the world would
think of me, were I to encourage hopes which you would have me indulge.
Your actions, madam, shew how much and how properly you disregard the
world's opinion.
But I do not disregard the effects which that opinion may have, upon
the happiness of my father, my family, myself, and my husband, if ever
I should marry.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account