It is infinitely pleasing to me to perceive the fortitude with which
Frank resists inclination. He is almost as cheerful, and quite as
communicative, and desirous of making all around him happy, as ever.
His constancy, however, is not to be shaken, in one particular. I could
wish it were! It pains me to recollect that he will _persist, to the
end of time, in thinking me his, by right!_
I cannot proceed!
A. W. ST. IVES
LETTER LIV
_Coke Clifton to Guy Fairfax_
_Paris, Hotel de l'Université_
Laugh at me if you will, Fairfax. Hoot! Hiss me off the stage! I am no
longer worthy of the confraternity of honest, bold, free and successful
fellows. I am dwindling into a whining, submissive, crouching, very
humble, yes if you please, no thank you Madam, dangler! I have been to
school! Have had my task set me! Must learn my lesson by rote, or there
is a rod in pickle for me! Yes! I! That identical Clifton; that bold,
gay, spirited fellow, who has so often vaunted of and been admired for
his daring! You may meet me with my satchel at my back; not with a
shining, but a whindling, lackadaisy, green-sickness face; blubbering a
month's sorrow, after having been flogged by my master, beaten by my
chum, and dropped my plum cake in the kennel.
'Tis very true, and I cut a damned ridiculous figure! But I'll remember
it. The time will come, or say my name is not Clifton.
Yet what am I to do? I am in for it, flounder how I will. Yes, yes! She
has hooked me! She dangles me at the end of her line, up the stream and
down the stream, fair water and foul, at her good pleasure! So be it.
But I will not forget.
Then she has such a way of affronting, that curse me if she does not
look as if she were doing me a favour: nay and, while she is present, I
myself actually think she is; and, if vexation did not come to my
relief, I believe I should so continue to think. She is the most
extraordinary of all heaven's creatures: and, in despite of my railing,
I cannot help declaring a most heavenly creature she is! Every body
declares the same. I wish you could but see her; for a single moment,
Fairfax; and, having gazed, could you but listen!--Her very soul is
music. Form, features, voice, all are harmony. Then were you to hear
her sing, and play--
But why the devil does she treat me thus? It is something to which I am
unaccustomed, and it does not sit easily upon me. If I tamely submit to
it may I--! I lie, in my teeth! Submit I must, bounce how I will. I
have no remedy--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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