One thought has struck me.--She has the utmost confidence in what she
calls the force of truth. It cannot fail! That is her constant
language. I am to be her first convert. I have humoured this whim
lately; except when my irritable fancy breaks loose, and runs riot. If
she have any folly, it is this said confidence: and whether it be one,
or be not, is more than I have yet been able to determine. But she has
furnished me with an argument, which I might carry to I know not what
extent. 'You,' I urge to her, 'you need not act with the timid and
suspicious caution of your sex. You are sure of your principle; and to
proceed with distrust and fear would prove doubt instead of certainty.'
She boldly replies,--Yes, she is sure; and therefore she speaks and
behaves with all that undisguise and sincerity which are so uncommon in
the world, and which some would deem so blameable.
She says true: she rises totally superior to the petty arts and tricks
of her sex. I seem to participate the trust which she reposes in
herself; and the confidence which she appears to place in me, when she
so openly declares all she thinks and all she means, is highly
pleasing. But, if my views were different from what they are, I doubt
whether madam Confidence might not be brought to lull madam Caution so
fast asleep, at some lucky moment or another, as to suffer me to
purloin her key, and afterward to rob her of all her treasure. Nor
should I fail, under certain circumstances, to try the experiment.
Neither is that intriguing spirit which has so long been in restless
habits of continual pursuit entirely idle. My first care as usual was
to secure the prime-minister of my charmer, whose name is Laura. The
hussey is handsome, cunning, and not without ambition. An occasional
guinea and a few warm kisses, when it was certain that all was safe,
for caution is necessary, have bound her to me. The poor fool is fond
of me, and often finds some ingenious chambermaid's excuse to pay me a
visit. It does not appear that I shall need her agency; otherwise here
she is, properly prepared to be wholly at my devotion. Anna St. Ives
affords the fancy full employment; with any other woman an amour
without plot and stratagem, attack and defence, would be too insipid to
be endured.
Not but I sometimes find my conscience reproach me, for suffering such
active talents as mine to lie concealed and unknown; being as they are
capable of acquiring renown so high. When in Italy, having even there,
in that land of artifice, rendered myself the superior of all
competitors, I used to glory in the havoc I should make on my return to
England. But this the will of fate opposes, at least for the present:
and of what duration my honeymoon is to be is more than any prescience
of mine can discover.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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