This conversation and this incident happened on the day on which you
met him in the corridor, coming from my chamber. A day, Mr. Clifton,
worthy of your remembrance and of your emulation; for it afforded some
of the strongest proofs of inflexible courage of which man is at
present capable. He had been robbed of the hope dearest to his heart,
had been rejected by the woman he had chosen to be the friend and
companion of his life, had been enjoined the task of doing all possible
good to his rival, which he had unconditionally promised, and he left
her to--receive a blow from this rival's hand!
Far be it from me, Mr. Clifton, to wish to give you pain, or insult
your feelings!--Oh no!--I retrace the picture only because I think it
one of the most instructive lessons, for private life, the stores of
memory can supply.
I must further inform you that but a few days ago I questioned him,
whether he had not changed his opinion concerning me; hoping that after
mature reflection he might have thought, as I do, that to refuse him
was a duty. But he persists in believing it to be an error. He does not
however obtrude his thoughts upon me: on the subject of love an
anchorite could not be more silent, or a brother more delicate. That
one conversation excepted, he has made no further attempts. A few words
were indirectly said, when, as I have just told you, I questioned him;
but they were excited by me.
With respect to the song, at which you have last taken offence, its
brief history is that it was written, or at least first seen by me,
soon after our arrival in France. I found it on my music-desk; and I
dare affirm it had been left there by mistake, not design. I supposed
it to be his from the hand-writing; and I set it because it affected
me.
The day on which you found me singing it to him was the first on which
it was ever mentioned by him to me; and then, after he had been pressed
by Sir Arthur to know how he could serve him, a copy of it was begged
from me as the only favour the family could bestow!--He has done us
many favours! Favours which we shall never have an opportunity to
repay! Though my hands are impotent, ere my thoughts can be restrained
from being just to his worth I must be convinced there is guilt in
those thoughts.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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