The lordly uncle Fitz-Allen is secure. I frequently dine with him on what he calls his open day; he being overwhelmed with business, as blockheads usually are; and I do not fail to insinuate the relationship in which, if care be not taken, he may hereafter chance to stand to a gardener's son. His face flames at the supposition, and his red nose burns more bright! What will it do, should I make him my tool, when he finds to what good purpose he has been an abettor? Be that his concern; it neither is nor ever shall be mine. But none of these are the exact agent I want; nor have I found him yet. They at best can only act as auxiliaries. Laura indeed may be eminently useful; but the plotting, daring, mischievous, malignant yet subaltern imp incarnate, that should run, fly, dive, be visible and invisible, and plunge through frost or fire to execute my behests, is yet to be discovered. Were I in Italy, disburse but a few sequins and battling legions would move at my bidding: but here we have neither cicisbeos, carnivals, confessors, bravoes nor sanctuaries. No--We have too few priests and too much morality for our noble corps to flourish in full perfection. I know not that all this may be necessary, but I suspect it will, and I must prepare for the worst; for I will accomplish my purpose in despite of hell or honesty!--Ay, Fairfax, will!--Gentle means, insinuation, and hypocrisy shall be my first resource; and if these fail me, then I will order my engines to play! I have been once more reading my copy of this unaccountable paper, and though every word is engraven in my memory, it dropped from my hand with new astonishment! Her history of her Mr. Henley, the yearnings of her heart toward him, and her unabashed justification of all she has said, all she has thought and all she has done are not to be paralleled in the records of female extravagance. She comes however to the point at last--Calculation is in favour of celibacy--For once, lady, you are in the right!--We may appear to agree on cases more dubious, but on that it will be miraculous if we ever hereafter differ. I cannot but again applaud myself, for keeping my preconcerted resolution of silence and reserve so firmly. I rejoice in my fortitude and my foresight; for her efforts were so strenuous, and her emotions so catching, that had I been less prepared all had been lost. C. CLIFTON LETTER LXXXI _Coke Clifton to Guy Fairfax_ _London, Dover Street_ Yes, yes, Fairfax! She takes the sure and resolute road to ruin, and travels it with unwearied ardour!--What think you she has done now?--An earthquake would have been more within my calculation!--She labours hard after the marvellous!--She has been angling again in the muddy pool of paradox, and has hooked up a new dogma!--And what is it?--Why nothing less than an asseveration that the promise she made me is not binding!--Promises are non-entities: they mean nothing, stand for nothing, and nothing can claim.