I have: but I ought in duty to add the appearances of their being
unjust are daily strengthened.
Sir Arthur paused, ruminated, and again seemed embarrassed. At last he
owned he knew not what to say: turn which way he would the obstacles
were very considerable. His mind had really felt more distress, within
these two months, than it had ever known before. He could resolve on
nothing. Yet he could not but wish I had not been quite so determined
on going to America. There was no saying what course things might take.
Mrs. Clifton was very ill, and in all probability could not live long.
But again he knew not what to say. He certainly wished me very
well--Very well--I was an uncommon young man. I was a gentleman by
nature, which for aught he knew might be better than a gentleman by
birth. The world had its opinions; perhaps they were just, perhaps
unjust. He had been used to think with the world, but he had heard so
much lately that he was not quite so positive as he had been--[This,
Oliver, reminded me of the power of truth; how it saps the strong holds
of error and winds into the heart, and how incessantly its advocates
ought to propagate it on every occasion.] He was not quite so well
pleased as he had been with my father, but that was no fault of mine;
he knew I had a very different manner of thinking. Still he must say it
was what he very little expected. He hoped however that things would
one way or other go more smoothly; and he concluded with taking my
hand, pressing it very warmly, and adding with considerable
earnestness--'If you can think of changing your American project, pray
do!--Pray do!--'
After which he left me with something like a heavy heart.
And now, Oliver, how ought I to act? The opposing causes of these
doubts and difficulties in his mind are evident. The circumstances
which have occurred in my favour, being aided by the obstinate
selfishness of my father, by his acquired wealth, and as I suppose by
the embroiled state of Sir Arthur's affairs, have produced an unhoped
for revolution in the sentiments of Sir Arthur. But is it not too late?
Are not even the most tragical consequences to be feared from an
opposition to Clifton? Nay, if his mind be what his words and behaviour
speak, would not opposition be unjust? Were it not better with severe
but virtuous resolution to repel these flattering and probably
deceitful hopes, than by encouraging them to feed the canker-worm of
peace, and add new force to the enemy within, who rather stunned than
conquered is every moment ready to revive.
Neither is Sir Arthur master of events. Nor is his mind consistent
enough to be in no danger of change.
My heart is sufficiently prone to indulge opposite sentiments, but it
must be silenced; it must listen to the voice of truth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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