And who is it inspires that dread? It is I! They seem to have
discovered that all circumstances, all incidents wear a double face and
that I am the malignant genius who can make which he pleases the true
one--Yes! I am with them! I send the Incubus that hag-rides them in
their dreams! They gasp and would awake, but cannot!
Why could she not have bestowed all this affection upon me? Why could
she not? I once thought a woman might have loved me!--But it seems I
was mistaken--The things that go by the general name of woman might;
but when I came to woman herself, she could not, though she tried.
Would I were any where but in this infernal gloom! It is a detestable
country! This town is one everlasting fog, and its inhabitants are as
cloudy as its skies! Every man broods over some solitary scheme of his
own, avoids human intercourse, and hates to communicate the murk of his
mind. I am in a wilderness. I fly the herd, and the herd flies me. We
pass and scowl enmity at each other, for I begin to look with
abhorrence on the face of man. There is not a single gleam of
cheerfulness around me. The sun has not once shone since the day of my
disappointment, which was itself thick darkness.
Would I could get rid of myself!--I am going to take a ride, and make a
second examination of a large lonely house beyond Knightsbridge. It
lies to the left, and is at a sufficient distance from the road. I
think it will suit my purpose. I must not have far to convey them; and
Laura informs me their walks are most frequently directed through
Hyde-Park, and among the fields at the back of Brompton.
I must be as quiet and appear as little myself as possible; for which
reason I ride without a servant. And though I have been industrious in
reading advertisements, and getting intelligence of empty houses, I
have not ventured to enquire personally. Laura attends them in their
walks; but she is secure.
They must both be seized at the same time, and in a manner that shall
frustrate all research. It will then be concluded they have gone off
together. He is a powerful fellow, a dangerous fellow, and I must be
well provided. He shall never have her, Fairfax! I would die upon the
wheel, hang like a negro, and parch alive in the sun ere he should have
her!
C. CLIFTON
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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