Country life -- Fiction; Vicars, Parochial -- England -- Fiction
I thought it better to go to his house. The stars were still shining as
brightly as before, but a strong foreboding of trouble filled my mind,
and once more the stars were far away, and lifted me no nearer to “Him
who made the seven stars and Orion.” When I examined myself, I could
give no reason for my sudden fearfulness, save this: that as I went to
Catherine’s house, I had passed Jane Rogers on her way to her father’s,
and having just greeted her, had gone on; but, as it now came back upon
me, she had looked at me strangely—that is, with some significance in
her face which conveyed nothing to me; and now her father had been to
seek me: it must have something to do with Miss Oldcastle.
But when I came to the cottage, it was dark and still, and I could not
bring myself to rouse the weary man from his bed. Indeed it was past
eleven, as I found to my surprise on looking at my watch. So I turned
and lingered by the old mill, and fell a pondering on the profusion of
strength that rushed past the wheel away to the great sea, doing
nothing. “Nature,” I thought, “does not demand that power should always
be force. Power itself must repose. He that believeth shall—not make
haste, says the Bible. But it needs strength to be still. Is my faith
not strong enough to be still?” I looked up to the heavens once more,
and the quietness of the stars seemed to reproach me. “We are safe up
here,” they seemed to say: “we shine, fearless and confident, for the
God who gave the primrose its rough leaves to hide it from the blast of
uneven spring, hangs us in the awful hollows of space. We cannot fall
out of His safety. Lift up your eyes on high, and behold! Who hath
created these things—that bringeth out their host by number! He calleth
them all by names. By the greatness of His might, for that He is strong
in power, not one faileth. Why sayest thou, O Jacob! and speakest, O
Israel! my way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over
from my God?”
The night was very still; there was, I thought, no one awake within
miles of me. The stars seemed to shine into me the divine reproach of
those glorious words. “O my God!” I cried, and fell on my knees by the
mill-door.
What I tried to say more I will not say here. I MAY say that I cried to
God. What I said to Him ought not, cannot be repeated to another.
When I opened my eyes I saw the door of the mill was open too, and
there in the door, his white head glimmering, stood Old Rogers, with a
look on his face as if he had just come down from the mount. I started
to my feet, with that strange feeling of something like shame that
seizes one at the very thought of other eyes than those of the Father.
The old man came forward, and bowed his head with an unconscious
expression of humble dignity, but would have passed me without speech,
leaving the mill-door open behind him. I could not bear to part with
him thus.
“Won’t you speak to me, Rogers?” I said.
He turned at once with evident pleasure.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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