Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
“There are quiet places also in the mind,” he said meditatively. “But we
build bandstands and factories on them. Deliberately—to put a stop to
the quietness. We don’t like the quietness. All the thoughts, all the
preoccupations in my head—round and round, continually.” He made a
circular motion with his hand. “And the jazz bands, the music-hall
songs, the boys shouting the news. What’s it for? what’s it all for? To
put an end to the quiet, to break it up and disperse it, to pretend at
any cost it isn’t there. Ah, but it is; it is there, in spite of
everything, at the back of everything. Lying awake at night,
sometimes—not restlessly, but serenely, waiting for sleep—the quiet
re-establishes itself, piece by piece; all the broken bits, all the
fragments of it we’ve been so busily dispersing all day long. It
re-establishes itself, an inward quiet, like this outward quiet of grass
and trees. It fills one, it grows—a crystal quiet, a growing, expanding
crystal. It grows, it becomes more perfect; it is beautiful and
terrifying, yes, terrifying as well as beautiful. For one’s alone in the
crystal and there’s no support from outside, there’s nothing external
and important, nothing external and trivial to pull oneself up by or to
stand on, superiorly, contemptuously, so that one can look down. There’s
nothing to laugh at or feel enthusiastic about. But the quiet grows and
grows. Beautifully and unbearably. And at last you are conscious of
something approaching; it is almost a faint sound of footsteps.
Something inexpressibly lovely and wonderful advances through the
crystal, nearer, nearer. And, oh, inexpressibly terrifying. For if it
were to touch you, if it were to seize and engulf you, you’d die; all
the regular, habitual, daily part of you would die. There would be an
end of bandstands and whizzing factories, and one would have to begin
living arduously in the quiet, arduously in some strange, unheard-of
manner. Nearer, nearer come the steps; but one can’t face the advancing
thing. One daren’t. It’s too terrifying, it’s too painful to die.
Quickly, before it is too late, start the factory wheels, bang the drum,
blow up the saxophone. Think of the women you’d like to sleep with, the
schemes for making money, the gossip about your friends, the last
outrage of the politicians. Anything for a diversion. Break the silence,
smash the crystal to pieces. There, it lies in bits; it is easily
broken, hard to build up and easy to break. And the steps? Ah, those
have taken themselves off, double quick. Double quick, they were gone at
the first flawing of the crystal. And by this time the lovely and
terrifying thing is three infinities away, at least. And you lie
tranquilly on your bed, thinking of what you’d do if you had ten
thousand pounds, and of all the fornications you’ll never commit.” He
thought of Rosie’s pink underclothes.
“You make things very complicated,” she said, after a silence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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